The Last Day of the year...If hindsight is 20/20 is foresight 20/10?

Still loads and loads of laundry to do. Nothing really in its place. I am remembering the verse in the proverbs that reminds me that where no oxen are the crib is clean. The crib is somewhat clean, but we simply cannot find anything. Love keeps us getting along with oneanother. Love keeps us tolerating oneanother.

Love suffers long and is kind? Am I kind today? Am I loving my family and my children. Here I go making New Year resolutions. Where shall I start loving my husband and children. Shall I start with my closet, or theirs? Shall I start in my room? I will, as a friend has stated, begin in the morning and get a pen and a piece of paper and walk room by room and closet by closet and inventory the work that needs to be done that I can see. I will mark those things down and I will not tackle anything on New Years day, but the usual loads of laundry to ready ourselves for the Lord's Day and the new school year. I will write myself a task list with the dates that these items were noticed and the completion date of the project. That would be progress in my house. God willing, By next year, I will not be saying that I don't know where anything is. More New Years resolutions to come.

2 Days to 2010

1979-2009---Boy oh Boy do I remember this season in my Highschool years as being the busiest time. Our math teacher had a packet that we got on day one with the work that we had to complete over Christmas holiday and if there were any snow days in between. For some reason I was too stupid to start it until the week before New Years when it was due.
Between Christmas and New Years was our preparation for Sports Night. Have buspass will travel was the motto. We borrowed all kinds of gyms and auditoriums to practice our Sportnight regalia. We were psyched every year to try to beat out the other classes in their themes and in sports. We did too. Risking life and limb was nothing if we could win for Sportsnight. I was on the B train one day and the snow was 6 feet and the Brooklyn Bridge was swaying and the train couldn't get across. I must have been about the only person on that train. For Sportsnight practice? Yep. We went all out. October they had my 30 year HS anniversary and I missed it. No more risking life and limb for getting to an occasion for me. What did it get me? What's a trophy. My trophies sit beside me in Church and I get the sweetest butterfly kisses from them; so now live trophies out rank snowbanks to Brooklyn anyday.

I'll be apologizing for this Christmas feast for years to come.

Because of one missing element. It is nearly sacrilige to a Walker feast to have turkey without stuffing.
I went to a new store to buy the ingredients for our Christmas feast. My trusty assistant, Elyse, was ever so helpful. This store has none of the same items that you usually see in the stores. We were blessed with groceries from the church, Halleluia! I picked up a box that said stuffing, infact I picked up 5 boxes. Christmas morning, Ben volunteered to mix the stuffing and took out the boxes and they were seasoned rice. What a downer for him. He loves to eat the raw stuffing while he is "helping" to cook it. The rest of us enjoyed the change and he cooked it to perfection, because he wasn't eating it.LOL. But we must buy him a whole box of stuffing to make up for it. His present of the Thunderbirds movie wasn't much comfort, after having no stuffing and forgetting the banana pudding. I shall have to think of a delightful edible for New Years, now.

Comforts and Joys!

God rest you merry Gentlemen,
Let nothing you dismay;
Remember Christ our Saviour,
Was born on Christmas-day;
To save our souls from Satan's power,
Which long time had gone astray:
This brings Tidings of Comfort and Joy.

The Christmas season stirs up reminders of our blessings and reminders of our losses. I, too am grateful for the strength of Jackie. Sometimes seeming superhuman, in the pinch. God seems to have given her the right adrenaline for the real struggle times we go through. When Dad passed away, she sensed that I couldn't cry and that it was still unreal to me. When she drove me home she played, Yolanda Adams "This too shall pass". I cried like a baby. She was able to take the little sister role and comfort me in both of our weekest moments together. That is a basketball move that I will never forget. I was expecting and in the weakest condition and she stabbed me in just the right place for the cry to come out in the right way and place. It was as though she said you know you are not going to be able to really weep when you go in the house, better do it here. We cried until the cry couldn't come out any more and then we went on to the next moments of life.
I am glad for the comforts and joys of the memories of riding around on this planet for a while with dear people. There always seems some sort of damper on the joys and some sort of comforts in the griefs, these are the gifts of God to us. The hugs and the kisses of today are all that we really own.
Love to you!

Remember "Colorforms"?

I just loved colorforms. I have been trying to think of the name of it for a while. I always think of colorforms at Christmas. I guess it is the girly version of legos. My boys work on legos and legos and more legos. They can never get enough of legos or bionicle. My thing like that was colorforms. I just loved the texture of those plastic pieces and the scenery and being able to make the character, Madeline or somebody else do whatever you wanted. Stories and stories were in my mind, even then. I loved it.
There is too much computerized virtual stuff. I wish that I could make some colorform tanagrams for my children and other things. They are getting too old. But before they leave the house those little guys would need a taste of colorforms. I am glad that I remembered the name. They were making fun of me trying to describe it too them. :)colorforms

I woke to a gray hair sticking up on the top of my head.

I got a tweezer for Christmas, from Elyse so I needn't callous my fingers and tear at my chin, plucking and pulling those pesky things. I try to fool myself that the whiskers that I pull from my chin and the hairs that are on the top of my head are not gray. It seemed like yesterday that Dad would say, is it gray Jayne? Pull it! His got more and more gray, now mine is doing the same. Can't pull them all now. I said Dad, why isn't Uncle Pat's hair gray like yours. Uncle doesn't have you to make them gray. We chuckled at that thought. Rubbing Dad's arm and pulling his grays and the numerous conversations that were the result of this closeness are a dear treasure of memories that I cannot shut the box of, even if I try.
Life goes on the day after Christmas, the lull happens. I get ready for work, the small conversations of my friend-children seem about insignificance, but, they are the memories that refill the box of memories that are swirling through my mind. I have to let some out to put some new ones in. I am truly rich in kisses!

What Day is it?

It's Christmas Day!

Charles Dicken's Christmas Carol is one of my favorite holiday classics. I told the children that he depicted the work of the Holy Spirit in convicting us of our past sins and showing us the consequences of our actions through the years, like little else I have seen or read. We have read the book, years ago and we have a couple of versions of movies, The Muppet Christmas Carol is a family favorite for us.
Bob Cratchet wakes to a new self. A renewed vision of life and the future, a renewed determination to give instead of hoard. The way that God mercifully brings us to Himself in the Christmas remembrances and memories, do much to humble all of us and bring us to our knees in repentance and reconciliation to Him.
Tiny Tim's family has love and joy and peace, if nothing else, not even good health. I think of the angels carrying Christians through the dark world and shaking their wrists like those lighted circles at the circus. People see the light and come to the light. Christmas shakes up the circumstances every year and we always have it to help us to remember that there is some goodness in the world, even if we are in a bad place, like bah humbug. Christmas Day is a mercy, a quiet mercy that draws us to the peace of heart and mind that people sing about in this season. The gifts are wrapped, we are embracing eachother and our sanity, after the craze of the preparation and there is one minute before the children come down. Camera is cocked and the Turkey is in the oven. Quiche is for breakfast, I forgot to get the soda. (We usually call a soda breakfast a champagne breakfast) Soon they will be down to open the gifts. Merry Christmas 2009 You are not going to believe that this is the first time that I listened to Christmas won't be the same this year and realized that the boys were not really on Jermaine's Back. I was so literal.LOL

When We were little...

This was the magic night. Denise made it special for us. We would jump around and sing like reindeer in the living room, while the grown people talked and then, the Nativity. If we were sent to bed early, it was still alot of pent up energy. We would sing songs with the mirror spotlight on us. Play kick games in the bed, until somebody fell out of the bed and got in trouble. We would jump from bed to bed sometimes. I can't remember if it was Christmas Eve that Jo fell out of the window, jumping on the bed? Was it?
Singing and harmonies of unknown origin, fly through my mind on nights like this. I try not to make it make me miss the magic people flying through my life, right now.
I baked my cookies and now to the real stuff. Food for the day! Merry Christmas! the parent all nighter.
Yours, Mine and Ours is the movie that best shows what Christmas Eve is always like for the big family. Love and staying up all night so you almost miss it!

"Halleluias Render"

There is touch of frost on the lawn, this morning. It seems the perfect decoration for Christmas Eve. The chill, the snow, the silence of the lull, just before the rush of the opening of the presents, tomorrow. We are very grateful for the health and strength of the past year, that we have known. For so many years, we celebrated the holidays with the looming of a healthcare crisis of a loved one or another.
Parents, especially carry the most attention of us, when they are sick. We are very thankful, that most everyone is relatively healthy and we haven't that burden of care on our minds.
For many years past, we pilgrimmed to the "side" of an ailing one or another:ie. My mother-in-law, Grandma Ruth, Dad, etc. These seasons and the people that were at the center of the celebrations are missed, but the sense of care that we will not get to give that last kiss and see that last smile or carry that last cup of water, is not missed. The lessons learned in the seasons of alarming care are many, but as we attempt to recoup some of the pleasantries that the Merriness of Christmas extends; I can see that there are lessons in the merriness, too.
The goodness of God leads to repentance. The peace and joy of the first coming of the Lord Jesus to "save His people from their sins". The imitation of Christ in giving ourselves to oneanother and giving gifts to those we love. The lights and the merrity of gathering for festive occasions to worship the Lord as the body of believers and the sense of the presence of the Lord in the midst of His people, can be taken for granted, when we have our wits about us and the health of all that we love right there with us. It is often that we have sensed His presence in suffering. Still more often that we are enlivened to an appreciation of the presence of God in the regular day to day celebrations that we enjoy. God is present in the midst of His people, out of love for us. We don't need to beg Him to come and be with us. It is He, who said and still says, "Adam, where are you?" That is the gesture of love. We forget this, when we hide from His presence through out the week and the year. Through the commandments, God bid His people, don't forget to gather together and be in My presence, at least one day out of the week. This is love. We argue the point, is it the first is it the last, is it an everyday, do we have to? We are careless and taking advantage of our loving Father who wants to be where we are. He cannot be where we are in sin, He is Holy! He must bid us to separate ourselves from our tendencies and carry our minds to His in Holiness. Adam, where are you? He calls.
Well, I have been here and there and...
Can we be together? The longings that we have for the loved ones who we miss, is just a taste of the longing that God maintains for His created people; with whom he created an ability to enjoy fellowship, both with oneanother and with Him.
A little lower than the angels, we were created. Their entire job it is to obey and minister to God daily and regularly. We have the ability to long for fellowship, both with God and with oneanother, as being made in His image. Christmas shows us the beauty of the longing heart of God, who didn't just long, but did condescend and give again and again that we would have the opportunity to enjoy His presence in a special way, when we gather together in worship and concentratedly render Halleluias.

Handel's, remix, by Tramaine--my favorite

Ezra's song is the Trumpet Shall Sound, from Handel. We really haven't practiced this year. But, Every year since we've been here, I have practiced the timing and singing the words with him. He is 6 now so he's pretty much got it. My only show off, singer.
The rest of them say that I burned them out from singing by making them sing in public. Too bad I say.
Enjoy Tramaine.

As I juggle to try to spread myself among my 6...

It reminds me of the blessing of attention. I was blessed with the utmost attention of both my parents at all times. I realize that nobody else in the family could or can understand that. They knew if I was cutting my bread wrong, or doing this or that odd thing;as was so often the case. Attention is a two edged sword. No one ever had to tell them if I had aced something or failed at something, they were attentive and aware of the action, before I seemed to finish it. Amy forced the issue and was very successful at keeping Mommy and Daddy on their toes with her as well, as was Ju. The other children seemed happy to pick and choose their times for attention, getting it and not getting it, seemingly haphazardly. We really did have some intentionally attentive parents, for all of their foibles. Young and attentive and with all of the energy, they placed into everybody's lives, it is not by accident that everybody has been successful to some extent or another.
I just want to keep reminding you that First, it was me and my mommy!
Thank you mommy!


By the way, do you remember those Christmas envelopes from Uncle Frank and the huge oranges? Wasn't that a delightful Christmas memory?

Christmas, when I was 14.

I got my very first telescope. Tone boy got a drum set and a car. It was his first Christmas that we could here him talk about what he got and I remember that we wanted to play with his stuff more than ours. Somehow an easybake oven and a Barbie hair doll doesn't seem as much fun when there is a car that you can drive in the living room.
I had the lead in the Christmas songs for the Gospel singers and all I could think about was singing that Christmas morning. That would be the only lead I ever had in the Gospel singers for a number of reasons. We had changed the words to the song "Ben", by Michael Jackson and I was to sing it for Christmas Mass. Ironic? Huh?
I sang it and cracked alot. But, I really didn't think it was that bad. Mr. Wallace did, though. He and all of the older people were appalled that we would sing a song about a rat to God. It was really offensive to them. I couldn't understand that, because I hadn't seen the movie.
That Christmas is so very clear to me. A huge bag of clothes came just for me from Mrs. Peterson. I could fit some of them and that was about the time when there weren't many people giving us clothes that fit me. Mrs. Peterson's clothes were gorgeous. That was amazing to me. Everything fit on top, of course and the boots wouldn't fit my calves. Imagine that?

Christmas is all in the heart?

Yesterday the young people in the family had worked themselves into a fever pitch. Whatever happened to not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The house was shaking, they were so jumpy. The women were standing around the tree, not decorating, creating some sort of rap song about every good and wicked thing under the sun. I really couldn't calm them. I am not sure that I wanted to. That is the energy that I need to clean the house. Harnessing the noise is the challenge. At least our energy, when we were kids was...harmonic? maybe? Theirs was just noise. Musical, but noise. The stocking is on the mantle. We usually stuff it with goodies for everybody.
It is always exciting the week before Christmas.

The boys on the otherhand were enamored with owls, yesterday. National Geographic online had what they were looking for. Ethan had drawn a pretty good one and he and Ez were at the drawing table working on something together. Sharing drawing and story ideas, the way Walker boys have played for generations, now. It is amazing to see the same thing happening that I heard about only in stories. The girls and the noise, I could identify with, because that is what we did; but the boys, I had heard stories of: play drawing and that is surely what they were doing. We do have a huge toy closet, but play drawing is there fun choice alot of the time.

Ezra and I sang the 12 days of Christmas together, first thing in the morning. We should have taped it, but I forgot the MP3 was handy. Those kinds of moments happen haphazardly. I do love being part of a big family, except when I am looking for the part in the story where it says not a creature was stirring. That doesn't happen much here.

Make a wish!

Snow! Snow! Snow! We got a white Christmas for Christmas, this year. Every year, since we've been here we've been wishing for a white Christmas. Lord, it's bad enough that we are homesick. Must we be without snow, also on Christmas? The call came from the school "superintendents". Thursday night, It looks like snow is coming. There may be a delayed opening of school. There may be early dismissal, snow is on the horizon. Hooray! Hooray!
I took off from work to go the DARE graduation for Ethan. He played the xylophone and I was so glad that I could be there. A masquerade ball was happening at church and Evvy was getting dolled up for the ball. 3:30 the largest flakes started falling from the sky. Mommy's wish came true. A white Christmas? Maybe not for Christmas, but a couple of days before Christmas was good enough for me. A little Christmas cheer, from heaven. The best of both worlds, a snow day off from school and we never really have to shovel because there is no more snow today. Another disappointment for the teens, but it was mommy's wish that came true.
Vegetable beef soup and sandwiches, videos while we sat around the table Japanese style and celebrated the DARE graduation and snow decorated our yard. Enjoying one-anothers' company, by default and by choice and by grateful providence. There really is no-place like...Home!

What a real PIP!

I rarely get to guffaw with my Emily these days. Trying to tame her is like taming a wild lioness most of the time. She is busy helping out on this year of break between school and (lets say) life.
She is driving and a pretty good one most of the time. Last night, I asked her to drive to pick up Ben with me. She usually drives with her father. I refuse to let my children ride with such a new driver. I say she hasn't earned my respect driving. I prod her to show more careful demonstrations of the rules of the road. I yell and give her instructions and last night was no different. I put on my emergency maternal instructions voice. I am keenly aware that these words that I say to her will live throughout her life, as my mother and fathers words of driving play in my mind, daily.
Last night, while we were waiting, she backed up and I didn't see her turn her head to look behind her. What are you doing backing up without turning your head? She said I did turn my head. No you did not. She went on and on about hitting a little baby who had run away from its family and was running in the parking lot at midnight with the flock of deer. I was breathless laughing at this story. She is hilarious and has the wonderful ability to take the spotlight off of her infraction and onto some hilarity. I can't tell you how she tries me daily and I love her immensely.

A very bad taste in my mouth!

I carry my lunch to work. It is one of my pleasures and leisures to eat my lunch minus having to wipe somebody else's mouth or cut up somebody's something. I am enjoying the fruit of looking at my own food minus talk about worms and regurgitations.LOL
Usually, my womanly helper surprises me, with some special treat of delectibles from our fridge. This surprise always has some vested interest in it to evoke conversation from me, later.(and it is always organic meaning something that we have made ourselves, not canned or boxed or...well you know {Mary Janes Farmish}) ie. a sandwich, with just a hint of rosemary in it(not good). Elyse has a wonderful way of helping and settling the score with me, if necessary. We get a kick out of this funny interaction between us. She is working early, this week and has no time to help me feed myself, so I have bought those really good ready-made soups. They really are good, in spite of the fact that we are organic. Elyse and I and would prefer to carry the pot of soup, with the bones; than to buy Mr. Campbell's. I know what I like and I bought 3 of them and enjoyed them very much, in spite of the loss of reason for conversation, now between me and my women in the house.
I woke up on Wednesday and there were none left. I said honey, would you get me one of those good soups that I've been buying. He was going to the store and came home with 2 of my favorites. New England Clam Chowder and Chicken Noodle, mmmmmmmm good, right? No, one was 98% fat free. Guess which? It wasn't the chicken noodle.
Uggggggh! How bad could it be? Ugggggggh! I will carry it anyway.
The children know how I get about those kinds of things, they were there the day a little cilantro accidentally got sprinkled into my sandwich. You want to see the roof lift off my house when I get home. Ugggggggh! There hands were on their ears. It will be okay! I start quoting Gary Null and speaking in unknown explitives, You know the "schpeal".
I held it in and the children were all looking at me funny. They knew an explosion was coming. That's okay. I will try it. Maybe it will be good for my "diet". Thank you honey for thinking about my figure. The children were looking at eachother, like when is she going to start screaming.
I took it to work and heated it up. How bad could this thing be? UGGGGGGGGGH!
I could have taken tofu and water and come up with a tastier combination of fat free edibles. I do have soy flour in the cabinet and I could have just carried it in a bag and sprinkled it on some water for protein. The taste of fat free crabs will forever be engrained in my mouth. Fat free cream with fat free crabs and fat free potatoes and an unhappy mommy, me!
I have been pouring sugar down my throat in all sorts of ways to try to lose the flavor. LOL. Any excuse to go off your diet, right?

The Hand Holding Seminar!

(just an image, nobody we know) Equality for younger siblings federation---LOL






In the beginning, before we went to school as a group; we used to walk with Mommy and either a big, gigantic tummy, or a baby carriage. It depended on which side of the stork we were on. Finally, there were too many to carry with the carriage and we had to get, THE HAND HOLDING SEMINAR! Walking to school class 101! A one hour instructional video repleat with directions for the proper walking conditions the correct stanse in case of rain, sleet, dew and of course Gang activity. Never, ever ever were we ever to travel into a large crowd of people assembled for an insurrection of any sort. A fight, (a crowded subway was the one exception, but that talk would come later.) a sit in, or any other public disturbance was one of the most forbidden places for us to be.
First Dad told us how Ma used to carry him to Mass in the mornings and then giving his hand to his able elder sister, Aunt Lorraine. He showed the perfect older sister hand holding method; which I, in turn, have passed on to my able elder daughter and it is an older sister joke that we laugh about, to this day. Hands are not held, by an older sister to a younger brother. Wrists are held as a protective element to let the child know that there will be no accidents when we are walking together. There was, of course no self recognizance for little fellows, who are known to have accidents walking out of turn, as they also talk out of turn. So precautions must be made to keep baby safe and this includes the holding of the wrist. It is really an expression of an overzealous love and perhaps and overzealous authoritarian sisterhood, but it is not well taken by baby brothers, I have seen over the generations. Dad loved it, but none of the rest of the males in the family have taken well to the passing of that tradition along.

Another boring report card day:)

I can't tell them how they make me feel when they are doing their work in school well. You have your whole life in front of you and, as Grandma Ruth always said "Youth is wasted on the young!" They have no idea what advantages they have. I scream around the house like a maniac, when they have no homework. Why!Why! Everyday you need homework! Everyday!
I hated homework. I hated having to do it, everyday! The stories that I tell, sound like those old people's stories..."You don't know how good you have it!" In the days of "integration". We had to wake up at 5 in the morning and travel to the other end of the world to get a "good" education. And finish our homework too. Latin and Spanish and World History and Science and Algebra and so on and so on and God help the child that didn't complete his HOMEWORK!. Those are the joys of not being ignored.
I try to ignore them, because the ignored children do much better in life, it is clear. Nobody ever asked Ben if his homework was done and the whole lot of them are productive and intelligent. I have to look away when he goes there with them. He is intolerant of any funny business from them on that account. I can't go there. I look away and say, if you mess up, it's on you! Nobody will ever say that I sat on them too hard and they were discouraged at life. Mess up if you want. I am glad that, for the most part, they don't take me up on it.

In America, we are truly free. Free to succeed and free to fail!

Feivel

The Online Penny Pincher

Last month, I spent the very best dollar, I've ever spent online.
Music is like fine wine, I think. It seems devalued today, with all of this access that we have to other people's musical and written products over the internet. I was introduced, by my children to the Amazon products, after surfing and searching for Larnelle, everywhere. His stuff is very limited online. I went to Amazon and just pressed a sample button. I should not have done that! Everybody knows how much I love Larnelle's music. I got to the "Creation Medley" and that was it! I yelled, (as I am wont to do) I must have it!
I have got to have this right now! The kids know that this is a rarity, since I am not one to spend a dime out of turn or out of budget, and especially not on an indulgence such as this.
It took me an hour and several long discussions with my husband at the importance of using wisdom in spending over the "internet". I know that we sound like, out of the dark ages.
Well, it is mine now. Larnelle's "Creation Medley" and I am very glad that my hope is in the Lord and that was the best spent dollar that I can remember. 6 minutes of concentrated worship to God.
Dad used to tease us about Larnelle. You ladies are admiring that man's sultry voice. No way Dad! He would have laughed that it took me so long to find him on Amazon. There are a few Youtube posts of him and a couple of online stations that carry him, but for the most part, he is (like us) from the dark ages. It was worth it to search and search and find this gem of storage at Amazon. There is alot more that I want of his, from Amazon. But, for now the "Creation Medley" has my musical appetites satiated for a dollar.
Next, I want "Blessing and Honor", but that is for another day!

On the First Day of Christmas,

My True Love gave to me...


I could not stop crying. Today was the Christmas concert at church and it was a real gift from God! Live musicians! Violins, Drums, Trumpets and the choir, God was glorified, of course, but, I was blessed. Some of the visuals included some NY scenes, which evoked the tears, initially. A dab of homesickness, a dab of wonderful musicians and singers and the Spirit of God, in the midst of His people and I was a mess. It is nice to cry at beauty. The music was almost visible. The singers were all practiced and blessed. And although, we enjoy their ministry every Sunday and enter into worship with the help of their beautiful gifts. This, first day of Christmas, I felt that God had given me the gift of the concert!

Good Morning 48!

This is the last year of my life that the first digit of my age is exactly half of the second...until I am 120? Imagine that. I am awake and 48.
My true love gave me 3 Ferrero Rochero chocolates(my very, very favorite treat) and 1 dozen roses. I know he loves me, you have to remind them every once in a while that they love you, or they will forget as we travel through the middle passage. I am cantankerous as ever and often I know I leave him thinking where is that kind and dainty 19 year old girl that I met on the train. Holy and God conscious, all of the time. The change of life does things to your personality, quite different from the cantankerousity of pregnancy. I told him take those roses back and buy me some tickets to see the new movie with a Black Princess. This is historic. He didn't listen, he just kissed me. I knew that meant no. I will see it by and by.
I made the cake for grandma's birthday, littler than other years, but the best tasting ever. Pound cake with chocolate frosting. I nearly gobbled it up whole, but couldn't. On the side I made 2 coconut custards. Another favorite. One is eaten and the other to pick on. I don't eat like that everyday. Needless to say, I don't get anything all to myself.
My recent quest and what is taking me into the new year is looking for the perfect combination of fat free yogurt and sugarfree jello. I am looking for a combination that will fool my mouth into believing it is cheesecake. For my birthday I combined 1 peach flavored and 1 lime sugar free jello with 1 large container of fat free yogurt. What an ugly color, but a deliciously different taste. I will be chomping on that come holiday time. Much better for my heart than Ice cream. Another treat, I enjoy when it is not my birthday is cottage cheese and any fruit I can find. A dab of sugar free jam and a dollop of cottage cheese and I can watch the children down a half gallon and not cry. I am learning to look at the decadent deserts and not always have to have them. This is part of the cantankerousness also.
Here, take a bite of ice cream to sweeten up your personality. No! I don't want to be sweet. That is the liberty of love in the late forties. Thank God for a forgiving and tolerant husband and children. They have seen, just about the whole cycle of emotions with me, now and they can look at me and see where I am going. Enoch says, dad everybody tolerates you when you act Walker, so you have to tolerate mom when she acts "Bodden?". Who knew? Can you believe they actually have a name for how I behave?
My Evvy is starting to act just like my mother. She comes in my room, hands on hips and says over my unconscious body, "You girls think you know so doggone much." We giggle and hug. Who told you to be born with Camille's exact voice? The more things change, the more they stay the same.


By the way, I discovered Jeanette MacDonald in Sweethearts on the Youtube for my birthday, a real unexpected treat. You might try watching this classic melodramatic love movie sometime. Now I know why Uncle Barry was always talking about the difference in the old time movies picture of love and the new. You have to watch it to see.
Well, again Good morning 48 or 25 for the 23rd time:).

First, It was Mommy and Me!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~XOXOXOX

Just for once, Just for once, I'll have you all to myself, Just for once, we'll play a while...

It is hard to believe, but there was a time, a very short span of time where I was my mommy's only daughter. I am not bragging. I am very, very grateful for the hosts of playmates and friends that my mommy went to the stork to get for me. I do not remember those wonderful 18 months of mother daughter bliss. I do not remember the days of me and my mommy, except at Dad's jogging my memory of what a greedy baby I was. None of the other babies were as greedy as you Jayne, he would state, very clearly. I own my greediness of my mother. I would have snatched her away from you people in a second, had they not taught me to share her with you. Now we are a family. I tried to do as they told me and not to smack you guys around too much:). Now, I am 48 and you are mommy's children also. Sharing is not easy when you are a greedy child. Happy birthday Mommy! The anniversary of being my mommy!

Thank you so much for that picture, Jo!

Happy Birthday Grandma!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"Look for the Union label, when you are buying a coat, dress or blouse..."

Jackie and Grandma at graduation in 1982?

"remember somewhere our union's sewing, our wages going to feed the kids and round the house we work hard, but who's complaining, To the irony we are paying our way. So always look for the Union label, it says we are able to make it in the USA!"

I was my Grandma's birthday present. She told me so every year that she was alive. It was ironic that I was born when she was in her 40's and that she died when I got married. Almost as though we were meant to be escorts of one another for a certain span of time and the clock was set to our love language. She was truly the one love of my life, when she was alive. She bought that doll when I was born and we struck the clock of years to our birthdays together until I was 21. She is gone and the fond memories of beautiful dresses and pretty laces and the smell of chocolate cake under loads and loads of aluminum foil donn my memory. Stale Jax, fresh soda, frozen kosher hotdogs and our first singing studio in her basement. I was born in that house and I went there to die, I thought. God spared me. Thank God. I miss my Grandma and miss her awefully.
You can't believe how exactly like her my Elyse is. As if she spit her out. She carries her sewing stuff and scissors with her all over and is always freezing and conserving stuff. We laugh like little girls over tea and I am blessed to have lived to see my grown daughter be so similar to my Grandma!

Christmas is a time for...Chocolate Kisses?

Thanks for covering for me Jo! And by the way I was the one who threw the grilled cheese behind the radiator, too. Dad's gone now, so I don't have to be afraid that he will...He looked me right in my eye and said if I ever find out that it was you!...YOu guys know the rest of the speech. It is funny now. Only because he's not here. But I still miss him for putting that much fear into life. That kind of fear, I have found teaches a person to lie very well under pressure. Not a very useful skill for a Christian. Anyway that is probably the thing that I do best now, though I try not to.
Everyday, when we were little, I used to go under the cabinet in the kitchen. The one under the window and eat a couple of sugar cubes from the box. I didn't know why they were there. I am not sure, if you guys were born for this conflict. Everyday!
One day the Rosarians came over for tea. Mom made those little sandwiches for them with the crusts cut off and all of the trimmings and to top it all off, she said, Jayne go under the cabinet and get the box of sugar cubes. GULP! Sugar cubes? For the Rosarians? They are not there. Yes they are. They are not. Yes they are. I ate them. You know what came next. All of St. Albans could hear her screaming about how I was going to get sick eating all of that sugar and that sugar causes diabetes and how could you. The women were coming over just then. Trouble, trouble, trouble. I guess I remember that story so well, because that is the one time I didn't lie and didn't get a spanking either? Go figure?

I just loved the hide and go seek games that we would play.

It seemed a regular thing that we would play hide and seek in the house. People would find me first because I was claustrophobic and couldn't stay in one place for too long. The only time that nobody found me was when I hid right there in the open. The pile of dirty clothes that were at the top of the stairs was the best hiding spot for me. I sat right there and when people passed me, I put my head down and when they left I could pick my head up and breathe.
Dad had dropped me in the tub when I was a baby, so I often had bad dreams of being in the water with the blood floating over my head. Mom and Dad accomodated my claustrophobia alot. I couldn't pull clothes over my head or wear turtlenecks or alot of other things that were weird. But hide and go seek was the hardest for me in the house. The others could hide in the top of the linen closet and other odd places, but I had to hide in the dirty clothes pile. That was the only place that made me win Hide and seek. I told you about when I tried to hide under the bed and my hair got caught. :) Those were the days, weren't they? Remember the boxing gloves?

The story of this picture.

I remember this day like it was yesterday. The dress mommy made me wear was way too small for me. Mommy was getting the little girls ready for Uncle Frank to come over to take our picture. I started having such a tantrum. Mommy, I cannot wear that dress. I was screaming, Amy was screaming and we were crying until Uncle Frank came over. Mommy said, just put the dress on. I put the dress on and we took the picture and Uncle Frank smiled at us, like we were little angels. I was losing my breath from a dress that was cutting off my circulation in my chest.
When he left, I ran upstairs to take the dress off. I pulled it over my dress and got stuck. I had forgotten to unzip it. I was unbelievably claustrophobic then and now. I was screaming, Help, please somebody help me please, I am stuck. Julia looked at me with my dress over my head and started screaming, it's a monster! We went back and forth upstairs screaming and crying about the dress until Mommy came to untangle me from the zipped, too tight dress. What a spectacle we were! What fun to be screaming and crying together and still live to talk about it.:)

DISAPPOINTMENT!

Ben and I used to joke about what it was like in a big family. Dad would look out the door and say "It is so hot, some people might go to the beach..." That was it. We would all look at one another and know that through the mystery of the "grapevine of the house", the entire family would go to bed with their bathing suits on. We would tell Dad, you said, we were going to the beach. That is the truth of life in the big family. We major in disappointments in a big family. We learn to live in the light of disappointments and finding joy in the friendship of having to live with eachother. Enjoying oneanother's company, no matter what. That was how we talked about it before we had children.
Yesterday, was that kind of disappointment for our big family. TRANNY problems with the car kept us from our first Christmas activity of the Walker family Christmas season. So, we couldn't go to the Billy Graham Library Christmas lights. AWWWW!
Are you sure? I said to "Dad" Ben. I am sure he said, on his way to work.
The whole house was in that ever-familiar funk, called disappointments.
The younger fellows contented themselves on the Wii. After a time of sympathy we started a game of cards that became a cheerful time of joking and laughing with the crew.
I think that is the dynamic of family, learning to create fun out of disappointments. The teamwork of necessity becoming the mother of invention and the hope that a new tranny will allow us to get where we need to go and home again day after day.
I am very thankful for the dynamic that makes the people that I love dear to me. The many times that we went to bed with our bathing suits on and woke up to a rain storm and the fun of dancing like Santa's reindeer in the living room are the memories that make us long to recreate that mystery of family again and again for generations. Love to you!

How do we get ready for the holidays when the weather is so nice?

They start playing holiday music, down here the day after Halloween. Every station on the radio and everywhere you go there is holiday music. The lights are around everywhere in the neighborhoods. It seems early to us, but we have come to learn that it is because there is no weather change that makes us shiver and say...the holidays are here, that the holiday season seems to take us so much by surprise. I took the lights out at Halloween, but my helpers were not ready to put them up.
Thanksgiving has come and gone and they are still avoiding the fun of putting up the lights. Our family is getting older and each year we have some sort of plan for the fun of the Holidays, today we plan to visit the lights at the Billy Graham library. There are live nativity scenes in various places. If I can get organized to figure out where to go next. I will just let my schedule planners keep the ball rolling for us. Miracle on Meadow Crossing Dr. is the story we write year after year. God is so good to us and we love remembering His mercies during this end of the year holiday season. Truly "the gift goes on!"

Who toughened up Baby Jackie? I cannot tell a lie...

We tortured that poor baby. Mom had to hire an armed guard, Ms. Newsome to keep us from accosting the poor baby. I remember the first time Fr. Jerry looked into the bassinet and Uncle Barry. She screamed to high heaven. I remember thinking, I don't know why they don't spank her for that. We have to say hello to everybody. Not Jackie. How long ago was that? 45 years? Nooooo! She was adorable and took all of the attention from Ju and me both. We were both jealous.
How did we start singing that horrible song. Doggone right! It was at Grandma Monica's house and they asked us to sing, but Jackie couldn't remember the words. We didn't know that she was too young to sing the words. So, we gave her the "lead". One line! Could she remember? Doggone right. It was just horrible that we could never finish the song. Doggone right? Can't you remember the words. Neither she nor Ju could remember the words. Late at night we would practice, like slave drivers. Next time we will remember. Did we? Now we are famous for not only the words but the intonation.
OOOOO....Good Morn or Evening Friends... Doggone Right?

I am just recuperated from my Happy Thanksgiving!

Too much Happy! Too much Thanksgiving! I am sure that the first Thankful ones in this country couldn't boast that they were as full as I was. I worked and thought that it was my "due" to eat too much. Thank God, especially for grace and mercy, when I have eaten more than I should, or ever have. Dear friends, grown children, loving interaction, no arm babies and the ingredients mean, I forgot to think before I ate.
I think every previous Thanksgiving I have had a "knife" to my throat. Either as a child the reminders to say "no, thank you or trying not to embarrass my husband or children eating too much, in front of company; not this year. It was just the food and fun and everything was laid out so beautifully! I will make up for it and work out and diet for the entire rest of the season. I have been carrying diet foods to work now that my stomach is expanded past all reasoning. I love the joy of the season. But I enjoyed the food and the cooking and the season entirely too much.
Today's joy was a pastry delight cooked by my grown Elyse called sweet potato crackers. They went well with the yogurt for my lunch. I was still hungry though? What to do with an extended apetite after Thanksgiving...
Get on the stationary bike! Good idea!

Now to plan my eating strategem for Christmas?
Where is my self discipline when I need it?