What a difference a year makes!

365 little days. This year, I am unemployed at Christmastime and New Years. Last year, we were basking in the faithfulness of God and the thought was, who will clean up the mess. This year, there is no less of God's faithfulness, although the rug of expectation has been pulled out. God is no less God, when the arguments change from, who will do the dishes, to who has blessed us, today. We are very blessed. Blessed in employment and in unemployment. Blessed in the city and blessed in the field...etc.
The birth of deciding to bless the name of Jesus, when He accomplishes the unexpected, through difficulty is painful. We are choosing to bless His name, in the arguments about priority and in the selfishness that is uncovered in these times. God's mercy is everlasting. God is faithful to complete His work in the crevaces of unbelief that we have left molding in our spiritual "fridge".
Divergent priorities are wrestled through, in ways, we could not imagine, when we were in prosperity. Private praise, becomes public praise, when God comes through in a food card at the supermarket. Praise God, that we live in a country where poverty is not the last word over your soul. God is the God of the land of milk and honey. Pride keeps the head hung low, because we are on "foodstamps". Trusting God is able to hold the head high and praise God that we are in a land of plenty, where the most of us lay up for the least of us. That is not communism. That is brotherly-lovingness.
En and I went to the store and filled a cart with necessities. We couldn't imagine that we could afford all of it. We looked at eachother with unbelief. Count it up, Mom, he said to me. I said we are supposed to use the card and there is enough on the card, I think. It was 191 dollars of food and veggies. Collards and apples and oranges and sprouts and even my specialty coffee creamer and chips were in the cart. All of it was paid for by the food card. We praised God, out loud in the store. No, I didn't do my praise dance, in the store, but I did say Thank you, Jesus. It was all on the card. God is good, in want and in plenty. This is want and plenty at the same time.
It is a shame that my pride hits and shame crushes my joy, sometimes. God is greater than my heart. He is faithful in all things.
My heart is overwhelmed and my joy is full in my weakness. I can't talk about it. I can only write. Please forgive my silence.