My Heart is in my mouth as I imagine the fear and lonely anticipation of this self-indulged situation. from 1/17/18

"The situation was as Oriental as the scene,—heartless arbitrary insolence on the part of my employers; homelessness, forlornness, helplessness, mortification, indignation, on mine. Fears and misgivings crowded and stunned me. My tears fell thick and fast, and, weary and despairing, I closed my eyes, and tried to shut out heaven and earth; but the reflection would return to mock and goad me, that by my own act, and against the advice of my friends, I had placed myself in this position."

Anna

Isn't this how we feel, when hopes are dashed on the rocks of reality? She didn't question God's direction, but her emotional questioning was enormous. The high hopes of living as an instructor in a royal court and as uncivilized as her heart and mind may have imagined, her heart hadn't imagined the helplessness of not having a place to lay her head?

Was she not experiencing the griefs of her Savior in this situation? Was she not learning how God's mercy bestowed upon her was being shared, even this far from her home?

I hope that you are learning, as I am from her testimony to temper expectations and to cast all my cares, hopeful ones and disappointing ones, upon God who alone can carry our souls to their true and happy end in heaven.

Why entitled the chapter, On the Threshold? my interpretation{How God acted as husband in my farthest extremity}

"If I make my bed in hell, thou art there" says scripture

I was appalled at the treatment of this dear and devoted academic in her chosen field of care and instruction of these people. Any man would have gone right back to India or England after such an initial snub, to sleep the first night in the open air of the boat. Her heart was intended to their care, in spite of their care of her!

I say Anna, who carried you over the threshold of this God-honoring calling and challenge? I hear her answer, you know it wasn't Supreme King of Siam. Only God undertakes to His own in their dire distresses. Her trust wasn't and could never have been in her position or her gifts. It had to be in God's heart of winning these people's souls for His Kingdom and winning their minds into growth. She would grow to love them intensely, but now was the time where she had imaginations of anything but what her situation had played out.

The movie has her singing "Getting to Know You" and "whistling a happy tune", singing a song in her fearfulness. The truth is more convicting.

Cast your care on the Lord and He will sustain you!

Did she not find this to be her experience? Or we wouldn't be talking about her this 155 years later.

Her heart of prayer is far more evident than whistling a happy tune in her distress. I recall the overwhelming feeling of motherhood and wifing. I sang to you, getting to know you songs and I imagine that this is something that you have taken to heart in that this woman's story has stuck in your soul all these 31 years.

I love you for making me see her parallel with wifing and mothering.

Was this the story of her marriage to the children of Siam or to the God whose heart was pleasantly entreated on their behalf? I see her testimony of parallel to her own marriage, which she was grieving. Here she was on the threshold and her body and soul was given and her heart had been disappointed and her only hope was that there would be a representation from the hand of God that would fulfill her soul at this blind hope. This is the realization of every woman after her commitment in marriage, whether it be to a man or to a calling. There is fruition and disappointment. The longer you wait, as you have, or traveled as she did, the more room for higher expectations of fulfillment in the expected end. If your hope is in anything but the God of all grace, you are setting yourself up for a tremendous downfall. "Some trust in chariots..." You know the rest. If your hope is not fully in the God of all grace to use your commitment in marriage and motherhood to His Glory, your sleeping on the boat for the night will be the rest of your life. There are tremendous glimmers of fulfillment in marriage, but they are no greater than the fulfillment glimmers in singlehood. The reality is that God is using you in each circumstance to shine for him. I hope that your expectations are fulfilled, for my own selfish desires also.

And if not?

we will not bow!

Letter Number 2 from the Sovereign Commander of Siam! the letter from 7 years later

Dear Madam, I have great pleasure in condescending to answer your sympathising letter of 25th November last wherein the sorrowful expressions of your heart in relation to my most beloved Sovereign Father in demise which is a venerated burden and I have left to this day and ever more shall bear this most unexpressable loss in mind, with the deepest respect and lamentation, and resignation to the will of divine Providence;—are very loyal to you too to ful, and share your grief in behalf the affection you have for your royal pupils, and the kind remembrances you have made of them in your letter, loves you too with that respect and love your are held in ther esteem, for such disinterestioness in imparting knowledge to them during your stay here with us. I have the pleasure also, to mention you that our Government in counsel has elected me to assume the reins of Government notwithstanding my juvenility; and I am pleased to see the love the people have for me, most undoubtedly arising from the respect and veneration they have had for my beloved royal Father and I hope to render them prosperity and peace, and equal measure, they have enjoyed since the last reign in return. May you and your beloved children be in the peace of the divine Providence. I beg to remain, Yours sincerely Somdetch Phra Chulalonkorn Klou Chow-yu Hua Supreme King of Siam on 114th day of reign

Here he seems to show unprecedented sympathy for her losses. I never thought him in sympathy of her. I say that he seems to want to comfort her sorrow with the children and tasks of his household. I didn't see that before. Sometimes common grief is a tool in God's hand into the souls of even the most hardened monarch and heathen. He actually showed emotion that he felt at the loss of his own father, but the hope that common mental ascents should act as a comfort. God had set the stage for the gospel message to come home into the souls that she was sent to. Amazing!

It is also a wonderful testimony that, even with all of this obvious blessing of God on her ambitions; she took the time to bathe such a spiritual expedition in prayer and resorted often to the "counsel of the EVER PRESENT FRIEND". Her expression of faith and who she had found God to be in her griefs. Doubly Amazing!

Amarinde Winschley Palace Bangkok March 6th 1869

this was the date of the letter. So perhaps this is the fruit of how God had blessed their relationship to have a fruit of transparency between them. She had obviously become a confidant.

Are we not the King of Siam in our request of our youthful scholars?

"ENGLISH ERA, 1862, 26th February. GRAND ROYAL PALACE, BANGKOK.

"To MRS. A. H. LEONOWENS:— "MADAM: We are in good pleasure, and satisfaction in heart, that you are in willingness to undertake the education of our beloved royal children. And we hope that in doing your education on us and on our children (whom English, call inhabitants of benighted land) you will do your best endeavor for knowledge of English language, science, and literature, and not for conversion to Christianity; as the followers of Buddha are mostly aware of the powerfulness of truth and virtue, as well as the followers of Christ, and are desirous to have facility of English language and literature, more than new religions. "We beg to invite you to our royal palace to do your best endeavorment upon us and our children. We shall expect to see you here on return of Siamese steamer Chow Phya. "We have written to Mr. William Adamson, and to our consul at Singapore, to authorize to do best arrangement for you and ourselves. "Believe me "Your faithfully, (Signed) "S. S. P. P. MAHA MONGKUT."

Do we not write such a letter to our children's teachers? You think us a benighted race and we want your knowledges bestowed upon us, but not your Jesus. We hope you find comfort and help to ignite our minds and not our spirits.

I know that I have thought myself the King of Siam in the rearing days of my children. Most unnegotiable about their behaviors, at least by them. I am in awe at how our written and oral language has deteriorated so much in the 155 years that we are observing. A commander and a man with the hearts of his children in his own heart. He wanted to see their minds and stations improved, but not their souls.

Is this not so of our generation?

After Our delightful little chat...

I attached a tweety bird link to the book. I have a million questions about chapter one for you. You are my "go to" person about such things Asian. I love that she doesn't spend alot of time introducing the characters. She just jumps into the experience for you. Isn't that how life happens. All of a sudden we are in the experience and here we are, like Daniel in a heathen court. God is everywhere!

If I make my bed in hell, scripture reminds us "Thou art there!"

The Church's One foundation! and mystic sweet communion with those whose rest is won,

May you continue to enjoy that sweet communion that happens when we respect our elders by reading their testimonies! Thank you for sharing.

Question Number One...

Elyse, in the letter from the King of Siam to Anna, was he saying he was sympathetic of her great loss and wished to replace her love for her husband and children with his own family? He was writing in much flowery language and it seems that he was trying to respect the providence that she was submissive to. He clearly wanted to show his acquaintance with her spiritual struggle of grief. It seems that he was saying that he wanted her to see how they engaged in family love and loss, as well as experience the beauty of her teaching. Let me know what you think?

29 Years ago today my eldest child introduced herself to me...

God is great that we are still rejoicing in the wonder of that beautiful relationship. She is a tremendous nanny and helper with us at home and in other people's homes. She led prayer meeting at church, last Friday and what wonderful sense of completion to see the Lord's blessing on our home, with her. Happy Birthday, Sweet Woman! Love Mommy

Artwork by Ezra

To my missions minded Daughter---Praying for Tibet

I feel like a famous person when the children come home with their report cards.

The school is gracious enough to give us updates on the progress reports of the children and this time it was wonderful to see the progress from last term to this term. They have really buckled down. The Wii that we got for Christmas has been a motivation to work during the week and take it easy and Wii on Friday. Ezra got all Satisfactories. The rest of them were extremely doing well and my hand hurts from signing all of the papers for them. One of them is aiming for straight a's and we are all on board to help him get to his goal.
It is wonderful the teamwork of children who love God and love and support one another's progress.

A Walker Winter Wonderland!

Not even the smell of a white Christmas, down here in NC. Not even the hint of a frosty snow covered lawn on Christmas day. It is still the most wonderland Wintery with my family!
I spent the morning walking through the frosty aisles of the supermarket with my most respected woman of God who is in my life. We giggled and pontificated and came up with all sorts of dreams for now and tomorrow and it is truly beyond what we both could've thought or imagined except there is no son in law yet to dote over. We are enjoying the love of wondering and wishing and sour grapes, sometimes:)
My dad would've joked at us that we both are so much like Aunt Lorraine, and she, more than I have never spent more than an hour or so with Aunt Lorraine. So I guess, in heaven, we will, the three of us; sit down and talk about what made us who we are. How could we three be so identical?
Dad would talk about the way she grabbed him by the wrist and the strength that she had and Tony-boy and Abby would have similar stories about me. It is a joy to live with a kindred spirit, sometimes:{.
I came in from my Christmas eve saunter with my Elyse(Suzie homemaker) and Emily and I were doing the shimmy shake and imitating Grandma Ruth in my living room to James Brown. We cannot figure out how Grandma Ruth was able to do that shimmy shake well into her latter years. I am achy from imitating her. I better get into shape to keep up with Ms. Emily. Then, we put on Thriller and my bumble bee big boy, Enoch taught us how to do the Thriller dance in the living room. Evvy and I pretended that the sugarplum fairies died and came back as the Thriller dancers and we danced around the living room as the sugarplum fairies reincarnated in a "Thriller" at home. "Catch me En~!" Not this time. Those teenagers keep me on my toes, literally or litterally. What fun!
Ethan, the wolf man came into the room anticipating boredom. He didn't want to join the dance and he hasn't figured out how to incorporate his wolf story into the Christmas pleasantries, so he just barks at us all. Ezra is waiting for us to pull out the baking items to make the linzer tarts. Dad in his cap and I in my kerchief and nothing at all is quiet as a mouse...

Birthday Woman 22

Grandma Monica would be proud of her little woman. She baked her own cake and invited her ladies to tea. I am so pleased that she has such nice friends and such a happy, beautiful day.
22 years old!

BLESSED, Under the table!

The women at Grandma Ruth's house when they were 4 years old!

When we were little, my sister and I sat under the table at home and played games with eachother. I remember we were playing with the arm on Dad's chair. We swung it back and forth to eachother and caught the arm of the chair, giggling louder and louder with each throw and swing. ...Until pop, it hit me in the tooth and then, pop, it hit her in the tooth. Both of us were marked with one brown tooth from that playful incident. Here is a picture of our daughters playing under Grandma Ruth's table, in complete imitation of their mothers, 20+ years before that.
The beauty of child's play which marks us for life, as sisters and cousins and loves. The brown tooth which finally came out to adult teeth is a symbol of our sisterhood.
We bruise eachother with love and stories of the building of our love with eachother. The efforts of the 20's with these women has carried them to the other continents and south to NC, but we are still bruising eachother in love. Make your marks on the earth, ladies. Just know that we miss the days...UNDER THE TABLE!

Granny's tickle spot!

4 year old Elyse



18 years ago with the Walker family: At 2 days to glory, Granny was laying in the living room. We thought that by hanging around the river to heaven, maybe God would take us all with her or let her stay with us. She was obviously in alot of pain and suffering. We were too, but we couldn't let her go.

I was the least of the children, only 6 years or so in the family. I had other things to do and I let my precious husband and daughter, who were both enraptured in her gaze, know that there was another side of the family who were also waiting for us.
I didn't know that this was the last time that we would see her. I was 1 week from delivery and seered by my own griefs and pains. Unthawed out from my own pain and I couldn't see the signs that this was the last embrace.


My poor husband, torn between, dying mother and emotionally distraught grieving wife and pregnant woman. Elyse was his only stable comrade in that struggle. He capitulated and decided to go with me, after praying with his mother and telling her to hang on and that he would be back on Monday.
I kissed her and Ben kissed her and Elyse stuck her face right in the neck spot and she yelped out a giggle that startled us all. A little 4 year old could find the only sweet spot that was left in a body wracked with the grief and ready to let go of this mortal and putting on the immortality. Maybe, if we would have stayed, we could've convinced God to take the entire family with Mom.
We couldn't go yet, but she left us here and here we stay, grateful that there is a God who we know has a road of purpose for us to travel that Granny stands with Jesus to meet us at the end. She is rejoicing with her Saviour now! We await the consumation of the age!
Grands can draw out a giggle from the deep!

In the footsteps of her illustrious Aunt Gloria...

My precious 21 year old wrote and produced an entertaining play for the girls of the church this weekend. She got them involved in learning about the Book of Esther. In service to God she took an entire day to write the script and gave out the parts to the girls and they liked it, I hear.
I told her that for years and years and years and well we know for years, (Even though Aunt Gloria is still younger than all of us) Auntie has been entertaining her ladies in waiting with Biblical plays at Antuns. God love us, we have a little of all of the women and men in the past.
Thank you God for the godly heritage and children who love Him and want to serve Him!

My Daughter, my friend...

What alot of giggling we do as women together. Talking about our wishes and dreams, encouraging eachother in dieting and cooking and disciplines. It is awesome to enjoy being the mother of 2 godly young women. They each have very different interests and ambitions. One is matronly and political and the other is artsy and cosmopolitan. I enjoy them both and am learning alot from each. Thank God.