My Daddy, My friend!

There is not a day that goes by that I don't think or talk about my daddy. He was an indellible part of my life. His determination to go past his personal bias and stay and be a father, when he had every impulse not to, was an admirable quality. I will laud and appreciate that about him until I can't talk or write.
The longer that I live the more that I see the difficulty of living as mother and father to a bunch of children, your own and anybody else's, to whom you represent a mommy and a daddy.
It is his 70th birthday and this birthday I am not lamenting or crying, as years past. I am rejoicing in his memory. I feel as close to him as ever. And I think about what he would or would not say or do and it is much a part of my decision making process. I don't necessarily do or don't do based on what he did, but, on how he thought about something or other. He thought about everything and he told me so. I am so pleased that everyone of my brother and sisters make it clear that they think and express that thought in blogs and movies and care for other human beings and teaching. That is a Legacy.
Everytime I went to the nursing home and Dad was eating apricots, he would offer me some. He looked at me like, I know that this sweet flavor is something that you would like. With a gleam and a glint in his eyes, he would offer. It is really good, you will see. Tastes better than chocolate, I think and less fatty. I always, always said no, and emphatically, too. He was trying to share and he always grumbled that I wouldn't take it from him. Not even a little taste. After he had passed on, a couple of years, I bought a small package of them to try in private. Expecting to have to throw them away. Just a memory thing and I put it in my mouth and the tears came streaming out of my eyes. I had missed years of an opportunity to enjoy a mutual taste that we had for the sweet things in life. You have a sweet tooth, Jayney, he would say. I would check each of my teeth to figure which of them was the sweet tooth. When I would bring the children, he would buy M&M's for all but me. You have a sweet tooth, Jayney. He knew me, very well and I knew him very well. I am glad to have had a father who could teach me about myself. I am grateful that my mother put up with him all of those years and didn't put him out, so that he could teach me about myself so deeply. I know she misses him and I wish her every condolence as she braves the elements and shows the courage that it takes to be the woman that she is.
I do miss watching him open every card and looking here and there for money. Shaking them like a little boy.



I miss the way that he got upset that we could never find the right sized shirt for him, either too big or too small and the long explanations of how the shirt was supposed to fit just right. I miss getting together with you guys on that day to see how much everybody had grown, although I know you will probably all get together anyway at Jo's or Ju's and do it, how we do it! Enjoy!
Enjoy your own memories of the day, loved ones!