Wednesday, September 30, 2009

To Everything there is a season...

The little chill has come over the region. We are enjoying 65 degree mornings and 80or so in the middle of the day. It is definitely autumn, as they call autumn down here. We are still in summer season in our NY states of mind. It is not right for the leaves to be falling when I am still wearing short sleeves.
I am learning to rejoice in other things than mothering and wifing. That is new. I am making new friends, some who have children the ages of mine and some not. My season has been so long. I had nothing to compare it to, because my mommy was in retirement from mothering eons before she was my age. Now, I know why. My health must become a priority in this season. I hear that so many women suffer from heart disease after the "change". I hate this season physically. I should have trained for it more dedicatedly. Flashes and tiredness and emotional upheaval, nothing at all like I imagined.
Work is a great distraction from my infirmities. I think everyday of some story or another to share with my little ones and I try to come home to my family with a part of myself that I shared with customers as well as the grumpy me that they are used to.
There is more to life than babycare and husbandcare, but what? That is the quest for the new millenium for me. Maybe business projects. Maybe a book? I am trying to develop a website? Jack of All Trades, Master of None? Taking on the tasks and speaking my mind to these strong Walker personalities is the lesson of the day.
I am a woman, Hear me pray, On my knees everyday. I trust God too much to let you get me down...

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

I remember my Mommy's walk!

I haven't seen her in ever so long...:( but, the main thing I remember is seeing the different walks of my mother. There was her happy walk as she strutted to the net to vanquish another attempted foe on the tennis courts and there was the humble walk when she was bringing up the gifts at offertory. I saw her out of the corner of my eye, yesterday and it wasn't her, it was me:).
I remember her carrying the gifts and her head bowed in humility and her shoulders down. I admired that about her. She had just the right walk for the occasion. She stomped on Norma, over and over again on the courts and she never accidentally walked as if she had a chalice in her hands. Don't mess with me on the courts, that walk seemed to say. Only God is God! Even if she lost( rarely), her walk was only the chalice walk at church. That was very interesting to me and powerful.
I love my mother's walk! Miss you MOM!XOXOXOXOX

Monday, September 28, 2009

Today is the kind of day that makes me remember my first fight.

I walked into the house and I was probably in 2nd or third grade and Dad could look at me and tell something was wrong. He sat down and called me over to him. This was very unusual for Dad to do. I was the oldest and at this season Dad's lap was preserved for babies. I was certainly no baby. I was, however bruised up. I wasn't sure if he could see the bruises or the tears in my eyes.
He sat me on his lap and looked me right in my eyes. What happened today? He said in a very loving and condescending tone of voice, also very unusual for our relationship. I said, I don't want to tell you. He said why. I said I had a fight in school. Roosevelt Smith knocked my books off of my desk and I fought with him after school. I was crying hysterically by this time. He said, why wouldn't you tell me that, giggling alot. Did you lose the fight? I said no, I beat him to a pulp. He said why are you crying then, laughing hysterically. I didn't have any idea he was laughing from pride. Mommy said, you stop laughing at that Tony, you should never encourage that kind of behavior, Jayne go upstairs and say 10 "Hail Mary's". Dad was doubled over laughing at my fighting.
I do remember the boxing gloves and the rounds of fights in the living room. We had a great time beating eachother like hoolagans and wrestling. Mom, never approved but she probably laughed about the fight under her breath. Now that I think about it.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Wonderful, North Carolina Sky!

This is Enoch's movie making project, of many. The computer is stuffed with his projects for animations. I just love it!


I do not have vast fields of butterflies, nor a beautiful, paisley print dress for the butterflies to sit upon.
My one, purchased contribution to our landscaping is a butterfly bush. It was a very little thing when I put it in. Now, It blocks the sun on my porch. Butterflies and Jiminy Cricket himself, who I attempted to photograph, come daily and delight me. They are nearly like a baby's mobile. Butterflies don't like me, though, as soon as I get off the computer, or drive up and try to take a picture of them (for my records) of who has visited, they dart off. It really is a chore to catch them on camera. The bees, however are such hams. They always think that I am coming to photograph them and they pose very well for the camera. I think they want to give me a kiss.:{(an unhappy thought)
Last year, when Ezra was "little", we used to play chase the butterflies and maybe they remember that game and now are playing chase the mommy. The children would touch a butterfly, who would be deeply drinking from the bush and then have to run around the house. It felt like an Easter egg hunt to us. Those were the good old days.
Now, I can't get anyone to enjoy my bush with me, except to tease mother who giggles at the variety and each new butterfly that comes to entertain me. I feel a little like Puff the magic dragon, when Jackie Paper came no more.
One day, I will have the money to place other entertaining bushes and trees about for other entertaining purposes, but right now, my delight is tea-time with the butterflies.
Tasha Tudor was a writer, whose books I spent many years, reading to my children. I had no idea that she was such a kindred spirit until after her passing, some years ago. I think that you would enjoy looking at her website and noting her spirit of free enjoyment of her land and sky. click the link to go to her site.
Tasha TudorThat is what I am aiming for. Maybe, I will buy a pretty paisley dress one day.
Now, my pear trees are jealous at me talking about the butterfly bush. I will have to write you about their growth soon.:)

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I am talking about recipes for food?

Thank you much for the recipes for health and welfare. Those tips did much to control the cantankerous season of my homecoming last night. Every night when I get home at 6, I expect that homework should have already been done. NOT! The powers that be are helping them at homework by giving them liberty until I get home at 6. By that time the little eyes are closing. Dinner is the first chore that I get to completely, or Elyse. But the barrage of questions and papers that hit me at the door is breathtaking. I haven't yet figured out how to get them to wait 30 minutes while I recoup my mind.
Last year my schedule was 11:30 to 8 and when I got home they were just about asleep and we ate every night at 8:30 or 9(an ungodly hour!) I changed my schedule because Ben is working at night. Emily will be too, maybe soon. The duo of them are clean and neat, but not much for cooking or homework helps. We will have to work out the logistics of the family so that people have more than one family focus.
Thing one and thing two(my teenagers) are the dynamic duo of humor and fun. We had a hilarious time, after the rush of homework going over the parts of speech for the dilinquent homework of the baby girl. She doesn't say, I didn't finish my homework. She waits until my eyes are just about closed and then she picks my brain for the English blood that flows from my mouth. Mother, I need help, what is "such". After unpacking adjectives and singing all of the grammar rock songs to jog her memory; we went on an English journey that kept Enoch and I awake and laughing in the dictionary(my favorite place on earth) until our eyes closed at 10 pm. I hope it all sunk in. That was a once in a lifetime trip with my teens and I am so glad that I didn't miss it. :)
Now, what do we eat?

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

I get a breath between count down to birthdays...

The next one is not for about 3 weeks or so. October 11 is Evvy's 14th birthday. So, in between they bombard me with requests. Help with homework...sign this paper for school. Read this paper. Help with projects. Ethan has a Tsunami project due on Friday and we are woefully delinquent in the schedule of working on it.
Today is Emily's interview for work. We are all excited with her. Hope is alive.
God is my strength from day to day and such is the charge of loving husband and children.
Recipes requested:)

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Boogie nights!

That was the morning cake, or brownie breakfast before school! Now that we have a varied schedule we have to squeeze in singing happy birthdays in the morning, because dad is gone in the evenings.
At night we did the cake and the gifts and the smiles were alot bigger and wider.
I just love the 6 year old maturity.
This morning, he said to me. Mom, let me take you where you want to go on the internet. What a bossyboots! Sure honey, mommy wants you to help her, NOT! (Lucky for me that I have you to help me tie my shoes now that you are six?:)
I have to lay the law down, just because you are six and know everything doesn't mean you have to volunteer to show mommy around the internet.

Friday, September 18, 2009

EZ Like Sunday Morning!




Now, We are SIX!

We woke up this morning to the memory of a beautiful, tiny baby. Who surprised us in the latter times of life. He rushed out to try to catch Grampses, before they were all gone and he had just missed them.
I was walking and walking and crying at funerals for 2 weeks. Dad had gone, Uncle Mose and then Grandpa …“pop”. Here comes the young man who would always make time fly for us. I waited 41 years to meet this little fellow. 5 pounds and bald and looking like gramps a little, too. We almost didn’t make it. I am sure that I stroked out. He stroked out and we both lived to tell about it. Halleluia! There is a reason that we are still here.

We woke up early for birthday brownies and coffee and milk. We sang happy birthday with a number 6 candle( Ezra's favorite thing is a number candle of the age that he is) I waited my whole life to meet this fellow and the both of us are glad that it is 6 years since we both nearly died but are still here to talk about it and to eachother. He is bright and excited and doing very well for the baby boy in a busy, dizzy family like ours. I am just in love with the young man that he has become. He is most certainly not an angel, but he is a super and well loved boy!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Maybe you want to give me kisses Sweet:)))))

Maybe you'll go away and never call, Says Smokie. How did he know what it is like to have 4 separate groups of teenagers, coming 4 years apart. I am now in the third wave of undertow. It feels like wading in the water. 2 Waves are behind me, Elyse and Emily and they have their own issues. But at least they are women now. and THE BOY is entering Highschool. His life is too quiet. Hands on hips. No friends? No conflict? We will see? Behind him is his trusty twin sister, as we call them thing one and thing two. Maybe he is waiting for her to show out with. Whichever it is, I will be ready! A nosey momma is no match for the antics of thing one and thing two. They have cut eachother's hair in days past. They have gotten into grease and oil and chemicals and done as much as twins can do. Now it is the teenage years and it is, so far a little bit "postneurotic" to think that they will go through all 5 years with this little to talk about. As soon as I turn my gaze, they are going to act up. Just anticipating. They do their stuff, I am just standing guard.
When I was a teen, I had boyfriends and girlfriends and all kinds of stuff that I tell them about, trying to pry. We didn't tell our parents much. Do you think they are keeping it from me?:)))))

By the way,Enoch has one curly whisker on his chin that we are protecting, so when he shaves, he'll have 2?LOL

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Halloween is October 31st?

The more I live and breathe the more I understand the wisdom of my first grade sister and her nagging antics with mommy. My children have to, just about knock me out of my bed to sign and get and do this or the other.
The mommy that I had was young and beautiful and always in my business. I didn't have to nag her about anything. She knew when I forgot my homework. She knew when I was about to cut myself and they were always taking things away from me because of some danger...
Not me, I am and older mother...They have difficulties with some of these things.

Thankfully, I have a husband who also is at the younger side of the family and understands the dillemma. Don't even bother to tell mom, is the new maxim. Halloween is October 31st and wait till then to tell mom that we need a pumpkin for school. My children have all become very independent and their mother has become very tired.
Ezra has to complete his homework with the help of my very able assistants. I try, but I am no Spring chicken anymore.:{
I'd better take my iron to get ready for the 3rd crew of Highschoolers coming...
All in a life's work?

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Inheritance of Faith?

Blessed are the poor in Spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven? Blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted. Jesus taught us so much in the beatitudes. He was talking to families who were gathered around looking for tools to raise their children in the faith. He did not leave them starving, either in food or in tools to rear them. It feels like that sometimes. I am grateful for those tools. When I feel like I am at the end of my human strength I remember this beatitude, I realize that heaven takes up when I can't continue another moment. Poor in money? Poor in your own eyes? Poor in ability? Poor, poor, poor, But God has some great promise for the inheritances for the poor, poor, poor. It is His Kingdom that belongs to us! Thank God for His grand consideration of me, even at the end of my strength today.:{

Saturday, September 12, 2009

We are getting closer and closer to 6 years old with Ezra.

I love the beauty of the 5 and 6 year old mind. My baby is a fabulous reader, thanks to great teachers. This morning I got the ever lessening privilege of spending a morning reading with him. We opened to Acts 22, which is my area of devotions at present. I was struck that he could keep up with me in reading. When he got to verse 14 and it said "His will", he said that doesn't make any sense now does it? He didn't understand the use of the word will like that. I told him how the apostle was sharing the difference between knowing God in his mind and knowing God with his heart. His will became a beautiful opportunity to explain how we grow in our knowledge and relationship with God, when we are privileged to grow up in a home where God is taught to us. There is a time when God reveals Himself in truth and we prayed together that this would be true for him also. This has been a regular part of the growing process with our children and it is a wonderful blessing to see God working in their hearts and minds.
I am weeping that I have to grow past this childhood time, now for the very last time, attempting to write When we were 6 by AA Milne ever since Ethan and Christina were at that tender age. I may never have this completed, but I rejoice that I have had my mind and heart touched with infancy and toddlerhood very intimately for most of my life and I hope I never outgrow that innocency, though I must grow up and grow old. God keep my conscience tender, even now that my children are older.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Thank God for small mercies.

At night, it is very easy for me to forget that I will have to wake up at 1 to go get my sweetiepie. The other night, I went outside and realized that I had left my windows open all night. That is not good!:( In our neighborhood that could be a haven for a little animal. Well, I looked inside and yelled at any kitties that might have been asleep in the car in the dark. Trying not to wake the neighbors.
As I drove down the block a storm came and there was alot of rain. Oh my, oh my, I would have been sitting in the water, if that storm would have come 15 minutes earlier. God takes care of every detail.
Driving in the darkness and the rain has become fun, out here in "the boonies". Home on the range, we are not, but there are deer and antelope playing in the night. I am learning the difference between driving 20 Mph and 25mph in the night so as not to incite a police report. LOL
I say to myself every night, Dad would have been right at home driving this slow. He drove as though he lived here all the time. I keep hearing him tell me take you foot off the gas and let it glide. That is a lesson. Everything is slower and fun and the minutes are 60 seconds long. We talk with fondness about the speed of "the Old Country"(where they will deport us to if we don't catch up to following the speed limits). Culture shock!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Rain and sun and back to school rituals!

Why is it always a learning process, every year? Getting back into the swing of things as though we don't know how to get ready for school, every morning. We are helping one another and hopefully, we will get into a routine soon. It is a difficult season, getting back into the school routine.
Boys and girls and man and women and work schedules and life goals and...
It seems endless, the items to consider.
One day at a time

Sunday, September 6, 2009

I had my very own Old lady's "bachelorette" Party! Otherwise entitled "Madea goes to jail"

I was out there at night. I think it was 1:30 and I was probably speeding through Davidson(doing about 28mph). No kidding, that is speeding in Davidson. His job is at a beautiful old fashioned school, private and classy. It is beautiful over there.
I pulled into the parking lot and in behind me come 3 (count em) 3 cop cars with their lights on. Maam, says the handsome white officer, looking like Enoch's age or so, at least Elyse's age. I said where is my daughter when I need to introduce her to somebody? Why are you here? He said with a flashlight in my face. I don't even remember if I was fully dressed. I run out of the house at 2 am, you know. I didn't even think about that. He was soooo cute. I told him that my husband, that's right I have a husband, I reminded myself:). My husband works here. Oh he said and took my license. After him, a beautiful black officer came with the flashlight. Oh my goodness. They are going to take me to jail. Every other night Ben is right there by the window looking out. This time, he waited till they turned their lights out and waved goodbye to them as they left me. Now I was really fully awake, if I wasn't before. They didn't know that someone worked there. They didn't tell me that I was doing 30 in a 25mph area, I probably was. But they said, they didn't realize anyone worked there at night and it looked suspicious.
Now, we have a school emblem on the car. Shucks! :) I call that, my skirmish with the law! All the same day that we had the flat tire!

Saturday, September 5, 2009

To the beat of the Rhythm...

of the night! These days, I get delight in picking up my sweetie from his night job at about 1 or 2 in the morning; whenever he calls me. Tonight it was night taxi job. With Em hanging out in the city, to be picked up at 11 which was okay, because I had to pick up Dad(Ben) at 1. (I am usually not the one who does those things. I hate night driving, but not as much now that I can SEE.) The night is full of sights that I have never seen before. Possum crossing the road at a very slow pace and deer dancing in the moonlight. I see everything at night, except people. People here, go to sleep at a supposedly "normal" time. It has taken us years to get used to this. We would be heading out food shopping at 9pm and couldn't find a store open. Now we know that only Walmart can handle our night shopping sprees.
I do miss the night life of New York. But, tonight, I saw a real group of young people in town, on the way to get Ben. It was a sight for sore eyes and in the midst of the group was a young couple, looking intently into eachothers eyes. It is not even Spring and there they were. Love in the midnight hours. I used to think old people were nosey to stop and look at us young people as they did. Now, here I am, peeking at their fun from the outside. I still try to hold onto that look. But the new look in a young couple's eyes when there is a budding romance in real life and in a rural town is breathtaking.

Oh yes, It is Friday and College is in session!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Grow Young With Me?

I think that we were older when we were little than we are now. How could my baby sister be 40 years old, again, or 28 or whatever age that she is claiming now.
My eyes are older, my knees are older, my bloodpressure is older, but not me. I am young. Maybe the fountain of youth is down here in North Carolina. I don't know. My sister is 43 and I remember the day, my mommy gave her to me. I remember the angelic little face that we were allowed to chase and kiss and love. That was the year that I made up the legend of the elevator. I said, we were waiting in heaven for the elevator and we ran to the elevator and I am the oldest because I was the first one to the elevator. The elevator or escalator came back every year or so and we all ran to catch it. We looked into that baby's eyes and knew that we knew eachother forever. Those eyes were exactly the same eyes that we see today and the soul is the very same soul that we know now. We have learned so very many things. I remember before Jo knew how to read. I remember before Jo knew 2+2. But, I don't remember before I loved her. We treated her meanly and excluded her from the older sister's club and now I am glad we did, because she is always teaching us how to stay young. Who would want to be one of the "big girl's" club? Who would want to be "old". I am always happy when somebody thinks that I am younger than my baby sister. At Kew Forest, somebody said, are you Amy's little sister? I almost kissed the person. I am the Big Girl. I am always old. Now, since my 45th birthday epiphany, I am convinced that God intended us to grow young. Dr. Lang grew younger and younger and I intend to follow him and Jo in learning to grow young! Happy 1st birthday of the rest of your life, JO! Thanks for being you!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Aren't Men so Beautifully Primitive?

I am so grateful for civilization, because I, for one, have entirely too much uncivilizedness when it comes to men. They are beautiful doing things like that and then getting upset about women walking around in bikinis. Thank God for clothes! I was so entertained by your comment and I couldn't tell you how many wonderful men are in my life, at work and at the schools and in my neighborhood. We have one or more wonderful specimens who jog. I haven't had this much fun admiring the beauty of God's creation of men since Fontbonne. Mine is the best, but there are so many beautiful ones all over. I admire that you can enjoy the sights and not have to own any of them. (heeee, Heee,)back at you!
My children say why do you always say, right back at you to men when you talk to them? I said I do? Whatever they toss at me, I toss it right back. Isn't this a great age!

Okay, Jacqueline, we will stop being fresh:).

What a day of learning to admire the beauty of the men around me! :)

I don't have AAA on this car. Instead, Elyse and I were laughing about how the angels are watching us. We imagined that they were blowing into the tire at 2 am yesterday, when I picked up Ben at work. There was no sign of the flat until the morning. Halleluia. The whole day, there were beautiful men. The tire guys, the Police officers and some knights in shining armor who helped throughout the day. Men are wonderful and it is so beautiful to watch them do what they do. I did get to work and he did get to work and the tire got changed and fixed and everything is back well with the world.
An eventful day...

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

God is good,

Even when you wake up to a flat tire! ACHHHHHHHHH! I go to work at 8:30 and we were all in the car. Guess what? A flat tire! What a great and super husband that I have, to change the tire and take care of these beautiful mundane distractions of life. I just love him. And I am also grateful for the man who helped this damsel in distress, this morning.
Everybody got to school and I hope to get to work: although late, some time today. ACCCHHHHH!

Title- The Studious One!

Title-  The Studious One!
artwork by Elyse

Of biscuits and syrup

Of biscuits and syrup
tasty treats

Happy Saturday!

Happy Saturday!
a day at the Raptor Center.

Widdle Emmie in outer space school

Emmie jumped on the bus and off it flew out into the atmosphere. There was a set of clouds with turbulence right above the house and it took a few minutes for my Emmie to buckle her seatbelt. They hit the bump hard and it knocked my Emmie out of her seat and she bumped her head. The video camera came on and the monitor looked through and stated, Ms. Emmie, where are you? You are not in your seat. Where are you? I am alright I fell because I hadn’t buckled correctly. Well jump up Emmie we have a long way to go and you have to be buckled there is entirely too much turbulence in the stratosphere for you to unbuckle now. As soon as we are through this weather system there will be straight sailing but right now you must buckle. Emmie scrambled into the seat with intensity and purpose now. She watched every cloud pass her window and her nose was pressed to the window trying to see the top of the house as it drifted slowly out of sight. Soon they were not only out of sight of the house, the sun came out brightly and just as quickly they were putting on the atmospherical breathing apparatus and the outerspherical lights. The ABA and the OL. These precautions were to make them appear to be satellites to the radar as they were out in the ionosphere. Emmie knew all about this now. She had gone to the orientation and had a good breakfast and it took them 20 minutes for her to get out past the atmospherical pull and to feel the zero gravity. It would be 15 minutes before the gravity simulators would take effect, a glitch in the system which was being worked on. Until then, they enjoyed the couple of minutes of floatation, while being connected to the seats by belt. The first thing they saw everyday was the strataflotsam. The items which had been dumped into the atmosphere by earlier generations. What would their generation do about this ecological waste area that remained floating above their heads? This was a question for the generations. For now it was the area that they had to guide through on the way to school.

Midnight at the OASIS

Midnight at the OASIS
Sunset in Huntersville

My little Emmie

ran to the bus on the first day of the last year of school. 2 buns on the side of her head. She kissed me and ran at dawn to the bus. She was starting the adventure of a lifetime. I would never see that little girl again, she was going to woman school!

My Father and I 1989

My Father and I 1989

to the tune of Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme


Are you going to Mary Immaculate?

Apricots, Chocolate Cherries and Pie,

Remember me to the one who lived there,

He once was a true love of mine,

Tell him to buy me an acre of land,

Apricots, Chocolate Cherries and Pie,

Between the muddy Hudson in Jamaica Bay,

Then, He’ll be a true love of mine,

Tell him to sow in it seeds of pure cream,

Apricots, Chocolate Cherries and Pie,

And build Ice cream mountains and buildings of whipped cream,

Then, He’ll be a true love of mine,

Tell him to reap them with sickles of M&M’s,

Apricots, Chocolate Cherries and Pie,

And chew bubble gum and eat till we’re done,

Then, He’ll be a true love of mine.

Tell him to run it off down the motor parkway,

Apricots, Chocolate Cherries and Pie,

After your done 50 pushups

and jog down the West Side Highway,

Then he’ll be a true love of mine…

(Don’t wait for me today dad, The kids are sick again, My tummy’s bulging again, My heart is aching again, And now there’s no love there…)

He once was, a true love of mine….So, Girls, I do beg you don't miss your Daddy,Apricots, Chocolate cherries and Pie,You have one short chance to see him on this side, Go visit him and let your light shine.