My Heart is in my mouth as I imagine the fear and lonely anticipation of this self-indulged situation. from 1/17/18

"The situation was as Oriental as the scene,—heartless arbitrary insolence on the part of my employers; homelessness, forlornness, helplessness, mortification, indignation, on mine. Fears and misgivings crowded and stunned me. My tears fell thick and fast, and, weary and despairing, I closed my eyes, and tried to shut out heaven and earth; but the reflection would return to mock and goad me, that by my own act, and against the advice of my friends, I had placed myself in this position."

Anna

Isn't this how we feel, when hopes are dashed on the rocks of reality? She didn't question God's direction, but her emotional questioning was enormous. The high hopes of living as an instructor in a royal court and as uncivilized as her heart and mind may have imagined, her heart hadn't imagined the helplessness of not having a place to lay her head?

Was she not experiencing the griefs of her Savior in this situation? Was she not learning how God's mercy bestowed upon her was being shared, even this far from her home?

I hope that you are learning, as I am from her testimony to temper expectations and to cast all my cares, hopeful ones and disappointing ones, upon God who alone can carry our souls to their true and happy end in heaven.

Why entitled the chapter, On the Threshold? my interpretation{How God acted as husband in my farthest extremity}

"If I make my bed in hell, thou art there" says scripture

I was appalled at the treatment of this dear and devoted academic in her chosen field of care and instruction of these people. Any man would have gone right back to India or England after such an initial snub, to sleep the first night in the open air of the boat. Her heart was intended to their care, in spite of their care of her!

I say Anna, who carried you over the threshold of this God-honoring calling and challenge? I hear her answer, you know it wasn't Supreme King of Siam. Only God undertakes to His own in their dire distresses. Her trust wasn't and could never have been in her position or her gifts. It had to be in God's heart of winning these people's souls for His Kingdom and winning their minds into growth. She would grow to love them intensely, but now was the time where she had imaginations of anything but what her situation had played out.

The movie has her singing "Getting to Know You" and "whistling a happy tune", singing a song in her fearfulness. The truth is more convicting.

Cast your care on the Lord and He will sustain you!

Did she not find this to be her experience? Or we wouldn't be talking about her this 155 years later.

Her heart of prayer is far more evident than whistling a happy tune in her distress. I recall the overwhelming feeling of motherhood and wifing. I sang to you, getting to know you songs and I imagine that this is something that you have taken to heart in that this woman's story has stuck in your soul all these 31 years.

I love you for making me see her parallel with wifing and mothering.

Was this the story of her marriage to the children of Siam or to the God whose heart was pleasantly entreated on their behalf? I see her testimony of parallel to her own marriage, which she was grieving. Here she was on the threshold and her body and soul was given and her heart had been disappointed and her only hope was that there would be a representation from the hand of God that would fulfill her soul at this blind hope. This is the realization of every woman after her commitment in marriage, whether it be to a man or to a calling. There is fruition and disappointment. The longer you wait, as you have, or traveled as she did, the more room for higher expectations of fulfillment in the expected end. If your hope is in anything but the God of all grace, you are setting yourself up for a tremendous downfall. "Some trust in chariots..." You know the rest. If your hope is not fully in the God of all grace to use your commitment in marriage and motherhood to His Glory, your sleeping on the boat for the night will be the rest of your life. There are tremendous glimmers of fulfillment in marriage, but they are no greater than the fulfillment glimmers in singlehood. The reality is that God is using you in each circumstance to shine for him. I hope that your expectations are fulfilled, for my own selfish desires also.

And if not?

we will not bow!

Letter Number 2 from the Sovereign Commander of Siam! the letter from 7 years later

Dear Madam, I have great pleasure in condescending to answer your sympathising letter of 25th November last wherein the sorrowful expressions of your heart in relation to my most beloved Sovereign Father in demise which is a venerated burden and I have left to this day and ever more shall bear this most unexpressable loss in mind, with the deepest respect and lamentation, and resignation to the will of divine Providence;—are very loyal to you too to ful, and share your grief in behalf the affection you have for your royal pupils, and the kind remembrances you have made of them in your letter, loves you too with that respect and love your are held in ther esteem, for such disinterestioness in imparting knowledge to them during your stay here with us. I have the pleasure also, to mention you that our Government in counsel has elected me to assume the reins of Government notwithstanding my juvenility; and I am pleased to see the love the people have for me, most undoubtedly arising from the respect and veneration they have had for my beloved royal Father and I hope to render them prosperity and peace, and equal measure, they have enjoyed since the last reign in return. May you and your beloved children be in the peace of the divine Providence. I beg to remain, Yours sincerely Somdetch Phra Chulalonkorn Klou Chow-yu Hua Supreme King of Siam on 114th day of reign

Here he seems to show unprecedented sympathy for her losses. I never thought him in sympathy of her. I say that he seems to want to comfort her sorrow with the children and tasks of his household. I didn't see that before. Sometimes common grief is a tool in God's hand into the souls of even the most hardened monarch and heathen. He actually showed emotion that he felt at the loss of his own father, but the hope that common mental ascents should act as a comfort. God had set the stage for the gospel message to come home into the souls that she was sent to. Amazing!

It is also a wonderful testimony that, even with all of this obvious blessing of God on her ambitions; she took the time to bathe such a spiritual expedition in prayer and resorted often to the "counsel of the EVER PRESENT FRIEND". Her expression of faith and who she had found God to be in her griefs. Doubly Amazing!

Amarinde Winschley Palace Bangkok March 6th 1869

this was the date of the letter. So perhaps this is the fruit of how God had blessed their relationship to have a fruit of transparency between them. She had obviously become a confidant.

Are we not the King of Siam in our request of our youthful scholars?

"ENGLISH ERA, 1862, 26th February. GRAND ROYAL PALACE, BANGKOK.

"To MRS. A. H. LEONOWENS:— "MADAM: We are in good pleasure, and satisfaction in heart, that you are in willingness to undertake the education of our beloved royal children. And we hope that in doing your education on us and on our children (whom English, call inhabitants of benighted land) you will do your best endeavor for knowledge of English language, science, and literature, and not for conversion to Christianity; as the followers of Buddha are mostly aware of the powerfulness of truth and virtue, as well as the followers of Christ, and are desirous to have facility of English language and literature, more than new religions. "We beg to invite you to our royal palace to do your best endeavorment upon us and our children. We shall expect to see you here on return of Siamese steamer Chow Phya. "We have written to Mr. William Adamson, and to our consul at Singapore, to authorize to do best arrangement for you and ourselves. "Believe me "Your faithfully, (Signed) "S. S. P. P. MAHA MONGKUT."

Do we not write such a letter to our children's teachers? You think us a benighted race and we want your knowledges bestowed upon us, but not your Jesus. We hope you find comfort and help to ignite our minds and not our spirits.

I know that I have thought myself the King of Siam in the rearing days of my children. Most unnegotiable about their behaviors, at least by them. I am in awe at how our written and oral language has deteriorated so much in the 155 years that we are observing. A commander and a man with the hearts of his children in his own heart. He wanted to see their minds and stations improved, but not their souls.

Is this not so of our generation?

After Our delightful little chat...

I attached a tweety bird link to the book. I have a million questions about chapter one for you. You are my "go to" person about such things Asian. I love that she doesn't spend alot of time introducing the characters. She just jumps into the experience for you. Isn't that how life happens. All of a sudden we are in the experience and here we are, like Daniel in a heathen court. God is everywhere!

If I make my bed in hell, scripture reminds us "Thou art there!"

The Church's One foundation! and mystic sweet communion with those whose rest is won,

May you continue to enjoy that sweet communion that happens when we respect our elders by reading their testimonies! Thank you for sharing.

Question Number One...

Elyse, in the letter from the King of Siam to Anna, was he saying he was sympathetic of her great loss and wished to replace her love for her husband and children with his own family? He was writing in much flowery language and it seems that he was trying to respect the providence that she was submissive to. He clearly wanted to show his acquaintance with her spiritual struggle of grief. It seems that he was saying that he wanted her to see how they engaged in family love and loss, as well as experience the beauty of her teaching. Let me know what you think?

Do You Want To Go---to the Greatest Show? "Wait up for me!"

My every thought of North Carolina was small and hickish! "Come and visit." No thank you, would be my polite reply. What on earth could anyone from NC think that they have for me to see in North Carolina? Do they have A skyscraper there? Oh really? Do they have much of the ocean views? Do they have a Broadway? etc., etc.

That is okay, I will find other things to do with my time than visit a "somewhat backward"{to my vain thinking} state like North Carolina. To be humble, I was sure that there could be some wonderful backwoodsy beauty that I could find some enjoyment in. But, certainly not before I visited every other state and country, could I think that there could be a place like that.

circumstances proved a great motivator:

There were certainly walls of pride and comfort that needed to be placed aside to get us here.

It happened and as swiftly as New Yorkers sometimes can move; we flew down the highway to the "Cackalackies" as our family affectionately refers to the Carolinas.

The training of New York thought is always to jump and challenge and reach! If there is something to attain, we are reaching for it. I was such a one at one time. I can't stop to ride down the highway. That one trip down the highway was significant in one thing. When we crossed the line into NC, I felt a wall of slowness hit me. I wasn't sure that I was going to like this slowness that hit me like a wall.

Nobody sat me down and told me that time runs slower here and there... North Carolina people stop and talk about little things like weather and flowers, etc. New Yorkers march to a rhythm and have agendas and stick to them or run from them. Little time for the minutia of small talk, unless a few drinks have preceded it and I don't drink. Get it done, or you didn't get that done, etc. Drivenness rules and false and unrealistic expectations are par for the course. We are on the mountain or in the valley of "Didn't make it there!" The two conditions of the New Yorker. I didn't have time to lament my loss of my beloved city. We had to go and we had to start a new course in a new place with a load of children. But, this is not about them.

How could we be leaving the best city on earth? I was born there and I loved it from corner to corner. Now, I couldn't live there anymore. I wasn't crying and I was hopeful that we could forge new relationships and memories. I wasn't ready for the sky hitting me in my face, like it did!

"And the walls can't stop us now?" Or the buildings{From seeing the GREATEST SHOW}

What walls stop you from experiencing the greatest show on earth, in the sky?

The Wall of busyness?

So many times, when the children were little, I recall them calling me to watch this or that beauty in the sky. The sun is setting, they would call. It sets beautifully everyday, sweetheart. Mommy has to change another diaper and put another load on and see another dinner on the table, etc. It never ended. It never let up and I could never quite understand their constant pestering of me on that subject.

As a New Yorker, I grew up on the rat-race itself. Running to be the best and learn the most and read the fastest and get into here and there. Beating this person and winning that accomplishment, being the most important pursuit.

One man grabbed my shirt collar with his music and made me imagine the sky. John Denver was a strange naturalist whose lyrics carried me to a place in the world that I might never have seen, even in my imagination. Rocky Mountain High? What does that mean?

I poured over his lyrics, some in my earphones and some not. My mother was concerned about this strange engagement with naturalism, but she didn't ridicule my peculiarity. I was keeping my grades up, for the most part and staying in the rat race for impressions' sake. But, I started to dream of seeing the sky.

Each day I rose with the sun and trapsed into the mines of subway existence and my experience with the sky was for a brief moment when the F train crossed the Brooklyn Bridge or whatever Bridge it crossed. The sun was always right there to meet me, rarely it was fog or clouds, but at 8 o'clock am it was the sun coming over the buildings and a clock which let me know if I would be okay or have detention that day. The sky was behind the clock, in my mind and I enjoyed it, only if the clock said 7:50 something. Otherwise, I was trying to figure how I was going to run with my huge book bag to get to where I had to go. SCHOOL. Missed the sky there THAT WAS THE GREATEST SHOW!

Mine was the best education ever. The best teachers taught engaging subjects with tremendous enthusiasm. No masculine distractions, except for the runners outside and we had to stop class when the track team would run in front of our school. There was no corralling our minds with all that. The teachers accommodated our hormones for the moment and then we went back to learning how to think and communicate and compete at the highest level our minds would allow. They stayed in constant communication with our parents via progress reports and they stayed in touch with our commitment to think and be taught. Slacking was not an option. The sky stayed outside my realm of interest in those days.

Who is the Greatest Showman?

There have been many a day since we've come to NC that I have stopped my hustle and bustle to partake in the wonder and the beauty of the showmanship of God in the sky. Charlotte and Huntersville seem to own the sky itself. They have wonders daily that I had never seen in the NY sky or skyline. {We had other things! Never to diminish the greatest city on earth!}But, how can you advertise that we have the most beautiful and bounteous part of the sky? You just have to come here to experience it!

No joke, the sky talks down here. It says "the father's meeting is in this part of the sky and the mother's meet in that part of the sky. God lets us dance here." etc., etc. I was taken aback by the intensity of the sky's interplay with the people and the beauty of life here. And yet, there are people who are missing it for it's aggressiveness and regularity.

I could never completely tell the wonder of the daily occurrences of the sky that we have been blessed with in NC. I have sat by my window and seen the lightning shows in this corner or that. I have been warned by the birds to get inside, because the show was coming down to the earth and you mustn't be outside when that happens, but the cloud shows are amazing. The hailstorms and the slight bit of snow that comes to overwhelm us, have nearly toppled my NY pride and self-reliance. The breathtaking views of the earth and sky that I admired and was addicted to at Jones Beach and Sunken Meadow have dimpled into fading with one teaparty in the sky with Mrs. Day and her cloud sewing circle.

The sky kept saying to me, don't be afraid, that's how we talk down here. This is what "Y'all Come" is all about in the South. When you embrace the Bible as part of your identity, Heaven takes note of that! Really? was all I could say.

My very favorite skyline, since coming here came when Ethan had a concert at a foreign school. There were actual clowns making faces in the sky. I was so angry that day and I had to laugh at the sky, telling me jokes. You are late, but you won't miss it. I declare that Baby Ben, must have had cloud duty that day. Nobody else could have touched my maternal funnybone, from and earthly perspective. I was late for the concert and afraid that I would miss his part in it. It was splendid, the sky!

Well,I go on and on because the movie that I saw yesterday paid a wonderful tribute to a great man who brought us all a sense of splendor and wonder in the creation that was around us. Memories of breathtaking spectacles that earth could devote. People's attention was diverted from their troubles and enjoying life for a moment. I thought that movie was an honorable tribute to an obviously great man.

Hugh Jackman's performance of the role had me enthralled, from the very first silhouette of his lips perfectly articulating the words to the song, to the final scene, where the darkness enveloped all but his image in tophat and tails. I felt that it was a motivating tribute to the power and effectiveness of creativity and consistency. I saw a blending of the tales of Hans Christian Anderson and Pip, from Great Expectations, with a prod for the next generation to think outside the boxes of their own limitations. I call that "Positive Adrenaline!" It was used effectively in this movie.

The Musical Genre was taking a chance. The use of new music with redundant words and old thoughts could have crashed like a thud. I am very particular about those kinds of things. I was not disappointed or bored with the redundancy. The riveting performance far outweighed my noticing that they were saying the same thing over and over again. I loved it and would watch it again and again.

THANK YOU entire cast for immortalizing this beautiful memory in American History!

Becoming Serene in 2018!