Jesus lives and so shall I (A Hymn)

Jesus lives, and so shall I, 
Death! thy sting is gone forever. 
He who deigned for me to die,
 Lives, the bands of death to sever. 
He shall raise me with the just:
 Jesus is my hope and trust.



Jesus lives and reigns supreme; 
And, His kingdom still remaining,
 I shall also be with Him,
Ever living, ever reigning.
God has promised: be it must;
Jesus is my hope and trust.





Jesus lives, I know full well, 
Naught from Him my heart can sever, 
Life nor death nor pow'rs of hell, oy nor grief, henceforth forever. 
None of all His saints is lost; 
Jesus is my hope and trust.



Jesus lives, and death is now
 But my entrance into glory.
 Courage, then, my soul,
for thou Hast a crown of life before thee; 
Thou shalt find thy hopes were just;
 Jesus is the Christian's trust.

How does God search us? The Spirit of Man is a candle?

Proverbs 20:27 The spirit of man is the candle of the LORD, searching all the inward parts of the belly.

The Liberty of self governing is a gift. It belongs to the one who carries his bible into his belly. Is that what I am supposed to do, Lord? I ask. Is this true or false?

The answer isn't in my belly, the answer is in God's Word. When I compare I am using God's candle to get to where I am supposed to go. I don't want to continue just looking at my belly. I want the looking at my belly to change my behavior and get ahead and out of my dilemma. Prayer and searching the scripture and repentance and faith. Nothing is magic. Dominion or subjugation?

Ezzy's play Addams Family

Thinking about Barbara Stanwyck...

That Barbara, the day that we had such a hard time lighting that match after watching Barbara’s movie with Fred Macmurray. I was in awe of her candid and feminine powerful way. Only my Grandma was like . that. I felt that she had introduced me to the maternal area of the sky… We all went outside to watch the angel fireworks over in that cuadrant of the sky. I called it a maternal huddle. This was many years ago now and I had nearly forgotten it, except for the reality of knowing that she and my Grandma, seem to be Heaven buddies in the closest part of heaven that there is to earth, because of their often interactions with us.

I tried to light a match this week, Of course it is my crazy season, where heaven comes down to comfort me in my pain of 30 years of missing my firstborn son. It took about 10 tries to get this match lit. Every day this week was fraught with a sense of God’s unusual presence in the outside of our center. The light of the sun seems to have a different glisten and I must admit that this hasn’t happened to me, anywhere but home. Wednesday or Thursday my mind was wandering as I patted Adam’s back near the window and when I looked at the trees outside they seemed to have a silver painted adornment on alot of the top branches. I wished that i could have been alone in the building to really enjoy the view in a relaxed way.

It seemed like a Barbara Stanwyck reminder to me. the maternal part of the sky had come down and we seemed in another part of reality. Not at all without pain or conflict or anger or the other feelings that are my portion in this season of thirty year grief walk, but comfort and direction, just the same.

Looking into the face of God, with the children’s guardian angels, with a heart full of repentance for the uncompleted tasks in rearing my own children and a heart full of hope for the next generations that we can give them a leg up on trusting Christ from their earliest moments. Confidence that “if God is for you…” is a gift that no other gift can match. I wish I could afford the purple tea set to send to Addie-Grace to mark my newfound sense of direction and affection for God and His mercies!

You know where I go?

I will whip the.....

is that what I mean?

A servant is not above his lord?

our children will become, what their teachers are. Are we giving them examples of charity and excellence? Humility and Grace?

If a person’s own children are bitter against them, has this an impact on how they treat other’s children? Do we want children who are bitter or enbittered against their parents or the learning process? How do we engage children in their learning? How do we motivate them? Is yelling and growling at them motivating?? I think not!

We are provoking our children from the earliest moments to hate learning and then we wonder why they are antagonistic to mental acumen, at best.

Justice and Mercy are early lessons. Firmness is in order, but cruelty or belittling is not. Our habits of antagonism and gaining the children’s attention, must be tailored to the individual children somehow. As a culture, we holler. As a culture we shame. Is this helping us?

Where are you today? Elyse...

Making it til tomorrow. You are in NY, participating in the molding of the future, by being a major part of one little boy's present. "Stand right here for the present" PIPI Longstocking...The present is a present, haven't we found that to be the case?

Could we have participated in the dialogue of life with many young people, who are movers and shakers? We might. But when you devote your life to the little ones, who can't pay you back. God sees, if no one else does. You have accepted the vision and the calling. Many people are in the ethereals, learning to care, they think. But, can you care more than really doing the work? Doing the work has its own rewards. Making the time for a conversation and a correction and a relationship with a young cousin is a blessing and a work that has great rewards of spiritual dimensions.

Not easy, but Jesus makes it worth it. Enjoy!

Resigning or Designing Women? Let things happen or make things happen--regarding our children...

Proverbs 14:1 Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.

Proverbs 14:2 He that walketh in his uprightness feareth the LORD: but he that is perverse in his ways despiseth him.

Proverbs 14:3 In the mouth of the foolish is a rod of pride: but the lips of the wise shall preserve them.

Proverbs 14:4 Where no oxen are, the crib is clean: but much increase is by the strength of the ox.

Proverbs 14:5 A faithful witness will not lie: but a false witness will utter lies.

Proverbs 14:6 A scorner seeketh wisdom, and findeth it not: but knowledge is easy unto him that understandeth.

Proverbs 14:7Go from the presence of a foolish man, when thou perceivest not in him the lips of knowledge.

Proverbs 14:8 The wisdom of the prudent is to understand his way: but the folly of fools is deceit.

Proverbs 14:9 Fools make a mock at sin: but among the righteous there is favour.

Proverbs 14:10 The heart knoweth his own bitterness; and a stranger doth not intermeddle with his joy.

Proverbs 14:11 The house of the wicked shall be overthrown: but the tabernacle of the upright shall flourish.

Proverbs 14:12 There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.

Proverbs 14:13 Even in laughter the heart is sorrowful; and the end of that mirth is heaviness.

Proverbs 14:14 The backslider in heart shall be filled with his own ways: and a good man shall be satisfied from himself.

Proverbs 14:15 The simple believeth every word: but the prudent man looketh well to his going.

Proverbs 14:16 A wise man feareth, and departeth from evil: but the fool rageth, and is confident.

Proverbs 14:17 He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly: and a man of wicked devices is hated.

Proverbs 14:18 The simple inherit folly: but the prudent are crowned with knowledge.

Proverbs 14:19 The evil bow before the good; and the wicked at the gates of the righteous.

Proverbs 14:20 The poor is hated even of his own neighbour: but the rich hath many friends.

Proverbs 14:21 He that despiseth his neighbour sinneth: but he that hath mercy on the poor, happy is he.

Proverbs 14:22 Do they not err that devise evil? but mercy and truth shall be to them that devise good.

Proverbs 14:23 In all labour there is profit: but the talk of the lips tendeth only to penury.

Proverbs 14:24 The crown of the wise is their riches: but the foolishness of fools is folly.

Proverbs 14:25 A true witness delivereth souls: but a deceitful witness speaketh lies.

Proverbs 14:26 In the fear of the LORD is strong confidence: and his children shall have a place of refuge.

Proverbs 14:27 The fear of the LORD is a fountain of life, to depart from the snares of death.

Proverbs 14:28 In the multitude of people is the king's honour: but in the want of people is the destruction of the prince.

Proverbs 14:29 He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly.

Proverbs 14:30 A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness of the bones.

Proverbs 14:31 He that oppresseth the poor reproacheth his Maker: but he that honoureth him hath mercy on the poor.

Proverbs 14:32 The wicked is driven away in his wickedness: but the righteous hath hope in his death.

Proverbs 14:33 Wisdom resteth in the heart of him that hath understanding: but that which is in the midst of fools is made known.

Proverbs 14:34 Righteousness exalteth a nation: but sin is a reproach to any people.

Proverbs 14:35The king's favour is toward a wise servant: but his wrath is against him that causeth shame.

today, I blended celery, apple, with orange juice and made bread...

I felt enlivened by the combination of celery and apple. I don't feel like I got much done, around the house, {ie. my rugs need vacuuming and the Christmas decor is starting to get to me, and everything} My energy was better, but I am not sure if it was the veggie fruit juice or the vitamin or the cinnamon rolls, I made with the veggie/fruit juice, or the sense of accomplishment from making something completely unique. It was delicious! It was a delicious treat. I told myself that I would save some for making a gelatin version of my juice, but I couldn't save any for the jello. Maybe next time. I had a wonderful time reminiscing about the last two weeks of funerals, with my DC woman. I missed talking with my NY woman who I hear got a new haircut! I absolutely love it! What I love most, is that you needn't ask a single soul what to do with your hair. You are as free as a bird with your hair. Enjoy it, my love!

Yesterday, there was a huge moon out my back window...

Emma, used to cue me to beautiful sights such as these. She would nudge me or prod me to the window for a sight worth my immediate attention. Now, it is less providential and I must remind myself to look outside, when I go to the window or am about my inside the house activities. This morning it is very clear and the stars a twinkling beautifully and brightly outside my kitchen sliding door.

What a wondrous sight, to be allowed to enter into the natural beauty of the landscape around us. Thank God for eyes and topography that is convenient to see the beauty. It took a year for me to appreciate the unblocked horizons of the burbs of Charlotte. Buildings and Billboards were my usual attention. I guess, what you do with billboards, after a while is try to ignore them, or analyze what are they trying to get you to do. What are they imploring me into now? Like a pestering hound, they are there. So for months and months I kept designing where the billboards should be here and where the buildings should be to block the blinding sky.

I see that the habit of New York is to ignore the promptings of external forces, buildings and billboards and store lights, until an appointed day. We deliberately reign in our passions for shopping day. Then with abandon, we shop til we drop. We take the billboards that have prompted us for weeks and go out and do exactly what they told us to do. I was unaware of this external force that had affected me to aggression and to passivity, because of my own poverty not allowing me to shop to abandon, like others. So I was resigned to simply reign myself in and was never seeing outside of my limitations. You are not a person, if you can't shop and accumulate as others do.

North Carolina freed me from this bondage. What does the billboard of the moon provoke me to do? Praise God! Am I poor in this currency? All have the same currency of facility to praise the Lord. I am not too poor to do so.

My dear Pastor Loran reminded me, as I have been recently analyzing the motivations to praise God and limiting my speech. Why? Habit of a real New Yorker and over scrutiny of self. Spend it! Say it! Give Him the praise. Will we not be judged by our facility and our ability and whether we have spent ourselves in praise as much as we have spent ourselves in money?

God's goodness is prepared for those that love Him!

Eye hast not seen ,even in 2019, the things that God has prepared for them that love him.