Friday, August 14, 2009

Next week, I changed my schedule

to an earlier time. I don't know how I will be adjusting. I woke earlier this morning to try to get myself oriented. If you don't hear from me for a while, that is why. I do doubt that I will stop writing. It is a real "catharsis"(a mommy word)outlet, for me.
Now, is a great time to change, before the rush of the new year. But, I am sure that when Elyse comes home on Sunday, I will be tempted to do an all nighter to hear all about the cornfields of Iowa. I have never been there, except through reading about it with John Steinbeck's Travels with Charley. :).
My eyes are getting more adjusted and my knee is better from the bad kick that took me out for most of the summer. We were celebrating Enoch's birthday and Evvy said mommy, how do you do that kick and I did 5 backward kicks in a row, don't laugh. The next day I couldn't put pressure on that knee. I am still taking it slow on the steps. Have only been out to the courts a couple of times with a brace and then couldn't walk after that. I am still coddling it. I cannot afford to lose my knees like this. I am grateful for the recent relief, I have felt. I thought it would never heal.

Glasses are ordered and gotten for my sight-deficient fellows. Now, there are 5 with glasses and 3 without. What a ratio!
At work, I am able to congeal my thoughts and get away from the ratrace and confusion of so many needs. I feel refreshed, somewhat, when I get home and can better enter into the 5 year old and 10 yr old and 14,15, 19, 22 year old varied conversations, not to mention, you know who. Work seems to put the differing relationships in perspective for me. I have been looking at it as wearing different hats and I can say, what am I doing right now? I am being this persons mother, I owe a listening ear and a sympathetic heart. I am being a wife and or a friend, I owe a loving commitment and feeling of loyalty to this or that conversation. It seems to help, when I think about it that way and I don't get overwhelmed as much. There is always going to be an unsatisfied customer in my house as there always is at work. I don't have to be everybody's everything, just their mom and wife, or visa-versa.

It is beautiful there and I have been trying to write to my Ezra, giving him some little stories about the grounds and how I think about him, even when I can't be with him. He reads like a whip so I leave him stuff on the blogs for him to read and hopefully get to know me. I am sympathetic to the lessened time that the baby of the family has with mom, being married to one of the younger ones of the family and I hope to leave him something that will help him to know that I thought about the fact that I didn't want to jip him by having him at an older age. I know that sounds stupid to you, but Ben misses his mom and dad and it does seem unfair that the older children got so much more time with them. It does all equal out at the end, I know.
We see how the older grandchildren, in the W. family have memories of my mother-in-law and mine don't. They have a few, but...Well, anyway Ezra reads so well and is always going on the computer for the PBS and other things. My goal is to work on an interactive website and put some of my games and stories on their. I am starting with the blog and he reads it, when I remind him. I am patterning it somewhat after AA Milne and a book when we were 6. I started when Ethan and Christina were 6 and the theme is outdated for them, so now Ez will be 6 in Sept. and I am hoping to finish it sometime this year. Time flies when you are having fun. It is just a tool to give him some exposure to me, even though sometimes my nerves are fried and I can't give him the attention that I would wish to. I am trying and I hope that he can see that, one day.

Jackie is going to say, You are thinking too much again Jayne. Okay, I am, but, what else is a mother to do?

1 comment:

Amy Bowllan said...

Wow! You have some LIFE, Jayne! Sorry to hear about your knee, or your back??? Damn! Just what you need. Wish the woes away and they will leave you. :) Miss ya!


Title- The Studious One!

Title-  The Studious One!
artwork by Elyse

Of biscuits and syrup

Of biscuits and syrup
tasty treats

Happy Saturday!

Happy Saturday!
a day at the Raptor Center.

Widdle Emmie in outer space school

Emmie jumped on the bus and off it flew out into the atmosphere. There was a set of clouds with turbulence right above the house and it took a few minutes for my Emmie to buckle her seatbelt. They hit the bump hard and it knocked my Emmie out of her seat and she bumped her head. The video camera came on and the monitor looked through and stated, Ms. Emmie, where are you? You are not in your seat. Where are you? I am alright I fell because I hadn’t buckled correctly. Well jump up Emmie we have a long way to go and you have to be buckled there is entirely too much turbulence in the stratosphere for you to unbuckle now. As soon as we are through this weather system there will be straight sailing but right now you must buckle. Emmie scrambled into the seat with intensity and purpose now. She watched every cloud pass her window and her nose was pressed to the window trying to see the top of the house as it drifted slowly out of sight. Soon they were not only out of sight of the house, the sun came out brightly and just as quickly they were putting on the atmospherical breathing apparatus and the outerspherical lights. The ABA and the OL. These precautions were to make them appear to be satellites to the radar as they were out in the ionosphere. Emmie knew all about this now. She had gone to the orientation and had a good breakfast and it took them 20 minutes for her to get out past the atmospherical pull and to feel the zero gravity. It would be 15 minutes before the gravity simulators would take effect, a glitch in the system which was being worked on. Until then, they enjoyed the couple of minutes of floatation, while being connected to the seats by belt. The first thing they saw everyday was the strataflotsam. The items which had been dumped into the atmosphere by earlier generations. What would their generation do about this ecological waste area that remained floating above their heads? This was a question for the generations. For now it was the area that they had to guide through on the way to school.

Midnight at the OASIS

Midnight at the OASIS
Sunset in Huntersville

My little Emmie

ran to the bus on the first day of the last year of school. 2 buns on the side of her head. She kissed me and ran at dawn to the bus. She was starting the adventure of a lifetime. I would never see that little girl again, she was going to woman school!

My Father and I 1989

My Father and I 1989

to the tune of Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme


Are you going to Mary Immaculate?

Apricots, Chocolate Cherries and Pie,

Remember me to the one who lived there,

He once was a true love of mine,

Tell him to buy me an acre of land,

Apricots, Chocolate Cherries and Pie,

Between the muddy Hudson in Jamaica Bay,

Then, He’ll be a true love of mine,

Tell him to sow in it seeds of pure cream,

Apricots, Chocolate Cherries and Pie,

And build Ice cream mountains and buildings of whipped cream,

Then, He’ll be a true love of mine,

Tell him to reap them with sickles of M&M’s,

Apricots, Chocolate Cherries and Pie,

And chew bubble gum and eat till we’re done,

Then, He’ll be a true love of mine.

Tell him to run it off down the motor parkway,

Apricots, Chocolate Cherries and Pie,

After your done 50 pushups

and jog down the West Side Highway,

Then he’ll be a true love of mine…

(Don’t wait for me today dad, The kids are sick again, My tummy’s bulging again, My heart is aching again, And now there’s no love there…)

He once was, a true love of mine….So, Girls, I do beg you don't miss your Daddy,Apricots, Chocolate cherries and Pie,You have one short chance to see him on this side, Go visit him and let your light shine.