Come and Worship

  Angels, from the realms of glory,

Wing your flight o'er all the earth;

Ye who sang creation's story,

Now proclaim Messiah's birth:

Refrain:

Come and worship, come and worship,

Worship Christ, the newborn King.

Shepherds, in the fields abiding,

Watching o'er your flocks by night,

God with man is now residing,

Yonder shines the infant Light:

Sages, leave your contemplations,

Brighter visions beam afar;

Seek the great Desire of nations,

Ye have seen His natal star:

Sinners wrung with true repentance,

Doomed for guilt to endless pains,

Justice now revokes the sentence,

Mercy calls you, break your chains:

Saints before the altar bending,

Watching long in hope and fear,

Suddenly the Lord, descending,

In His temple shall appear: 

Come and Worship!

I didn’t grow up with this Christmas Hymn.  I remember when I discovered it the first Christmas in Trinity.  I felt that I couldn’t plumb the depths of its’ splendor in my studies.  Who wrote such observations of the reality of the wonder of what had happened at Bethlehem and how it impinged upon me in my sinful status.  I was in awe of such a beautiful word painting and explanation of what happens each time we meditate on the birth of the SAVIOR>…

Angels

You had a job when you proclaimed the creation of the earth.  Isn’t this a more amazing occurrence?  Could you ever have thought that God would come so low and condescend to save sinners?  Would you have written in the sacrifice of the only begotten?  Isn’t it a wondrous redemption? Doesn’t God write the best stories?  It is your turn to observe.  It is your turn to see what an amazing love that God has for His creation and especially for his people.  You told the birth and now each year as earth celebrates you must wonder at the accomplishment of the continual work that snowballs into a crescendo of AWE?

Don’t just come to the celebration!  WORSHIP God for his mighty works?

I learned a great lesson about that this past Lord’s Day!  We had come late and I was disappointed.  I was about to consider myself as having worshiped for the attending upon the Word, because it was “good eats” as usual.  I almost missed the worship to defer to my guests my dearest daughters had almost made me miss the Worship!  

Where's my antacid, TUMS? too good.

Last night was a simply fabulous FLA Christmas dinner.

It was held at FireBirds at the mall.  How many times have we past that beautiful restaurant and not even looked at it?  I can’t count how many times.  I would go back again, even though there is a very limited course to choose from.  They have a one page menu and the ambiance of like a TGIF or something.  Their prices were okay, although I didn’t have to pay, I was conscious.

I didn’t eat all day, except for tastes of the lunch and week processing of the veggies and fruit that were about to go bad in the house.  I tried to make a broth of the zucchini and celery and asked your father to get me a bag of Godiva chocolate chips because they were on sale at HT.  I was going to mix them into my Chobani to see if I could make the delightful confection that I always am in quest to find in my ice cream substitute desire.  Something to take the taste completely out of my mouth…I am almost there with this find.  I only tasted it, so I was starving by the time 5:30 pm overtook me suddenly.  I cleaned most of the kitchen(you know how a working Kitchen stays) almost clean and almost dirty!

I was starving and dressed up and I did my hair and felt a little like Lucille Ball in Yours Mine and Ours, minus the eye lashes.  I wasn’t trying to catch anyone but myself, if you know what I mean.

We were presenting our secret santa gifts.  I got a 25 gift card to Red Lobster, maybe we will go on my birthday, or maybe we will wait for everybody to come home to use it. 

They had coconut shrimp for appetizers and Ms. Janet is always late, so I ordered one to share and the other appetizers that were going around, were a lobster dip with corn chips and a steak and pepper egg roll.  I had a little of each, except the peppered steak.  I was still starving.  

As we conversed about work and life, I was convinced that there was no way that I was leaving this place without eating the cheesecake.  I was starving!  I had eaten 3 tiny pieces of bread and a lot of water. Their bread was okay, but too crusty to cut without making a huge mess all over. (everybody knows a lady doesn’t spray bread and sesame seeds all over the table just because she is so hungry)  I could have picked up that little loaf that was beautifully brought to the table on a cutting board with a very, very sharp knife and bit it.  If I would have, I am sure that the few teeth that I have would have broken trying to bite through that very tough crust.  That is why the very, very(did I say very?) sharp knife.  Ruth would have told me to put the knife in my bag to take home.  “Your knives can’t even cut sliced bread”, she would have said.  Did you get a new knife sharpener, she asked me and you better think about getting something to open jars with, I noticed that you are having problems opening them lately.  See, aging is not fun, is it.  Shut up, Ruth, I said to myself as I argued with my hungry self, whether to act like my mother with the dainty slices of bread or like Ruth and put the knife in my bag…

Mrs. Janet, as usual was over an hour late and I was still so hungry after 3 tiny pieces of bread that I had managed to carve off of that tiny loaf on the table.  We are twice the size company that we were last year.  More people, more complications, but still as fun to look at the growth of this little baby company becoming a real daycare center.

They had ribs and steak and noodles and chicken this and the surf and turf had bacon in it, I wasn’t going to make any unusual requests that might delay my entre’.  I was drooling imagining the Sesame encrusted Salmon.  I know that I will like that.  I thought I was the only one who put sesame seeds on my Salmon.  

Your father came back 2 hours after he dropped me, as requested and we had just ordered.  He said, “I’ll be back” like Schwarzzenegar and left.  I was starving!  I ordered the desired entre and fried spinach and portobello mushrooms, which I thought would be maybe 6 or 7 tiny mushrooms in a sauce.  I got it anyway.  Oh my goodness! It was delish!  My Salmon was fat and plump and not fried, but crispy with a sufficient amount of sesame seeds to make even a sesame seed glutton like me happy.  I tried not to drop one of the seeds on my lap.  Waste not want not, Said Grandma Monica.  I am certainly not wasting those sesame seeds, even though my conscience was smiting me for burning that entire soup that I spent the day working on, zucchini and celery broth.  Oh well you can’t win em all, I said to myself.  “sorry Grandma!”

Camille would have been proud of the way I ate the bread, and I didn’t cut myself on those super sharp knives that were tempting me to steal them.  Ruth was angry with me that I was too siditty taunting the hair, too much.  Monica was sucking her teeth that I had wasted the zucchini, to get to this occasion and why didn’t you wear something more showy and ornate.  Christmas only comes once and you didn’t tell anybody that it was your birthday.  Sorry Grandma.

Did I say I miss them terribly in this season of the year?  It has been many, many years since I have seen them all together and I still navigate my life with those three stars bearing down on me constantly, but never more than when it is birthday time!

Did you have to make such a mess trying to combine the spinach with the sauce on the salmon? It was all over your face. The mushrooms can’t fit on the fork with the other items, why are you trying to get it all in your mouth at one time?  Okay, most of it made it… The stuff on your chin isn’t going to make your colleagues despise you any more than they already might.  Okay?

3 bites and I was stuffed, like a Christmas Turkey!  NOOOOO!  I want cheesecake!  I am not stuffed, this tastes too good.  Just one more bite. Okay now, I am too stuffed.  I have to stand up not to, spit up.  Okay.  I will not get to taste the cheese cake tonight.  But I am happy.

Call Ben,  He came.  Got home fell asleep, etc. etc.

Uh OH, How did that knife slip into my bag?

Until the day breaks let us think...

Making them mind.

Dec 4

Children need a variety of methods to make them mind.  Do not exasperate them”. The use of one method exclusively definitely hardens the conscience to the other forms of listening.  Their minds turn off from one or the other.  We must intersperse entreaty with command and illusion, Etc.   different ways for them to know that it is in heir best interest to do as they are told.  They aren’t dogs and the tone of voice that is strong commands should be reserved for the sharpest of corrections.  Yeah should be taught  to gentle speech as much as gentle touches.   Don’t hit and don’t yell without serious cause or serious consequences!

Mary Mary quite contrary how are your children fed….breast fed, hand fed, spoon fed, pouch fed,  does it really matter?

Is your dog hand fed? Does it matter? Habits of politeness and habits of culture used to matter a good deal. Perhaps not so much anymore.  But I think it should…

I was behind the times about the pouch feeding craze.. My first pouch feeding mommy must have thought me a barbarian not to have known how to hand such a pouch to the baby and let them at it.  I laugh to think what I said, I am not familiar with pouch feeding.  She had to show me the way to open it and it took a week before I felt comfortable handing it to baby.   I couldn’t write about it at the time.  I felt ignorant.  I felt old. Etc,etc.   

I was and still am an advocate of breast feeding, if you can.  Children can thrive on lots of different kinds of foods, but the physical bonding that happens with breast feeding is immeasurable.  It is the most human of sympathies that forms between mom and baby.  No one can break that between you.  You actually feel together for that small moment of time in the world.  Learning to know that biting causes pain to another and that mother is human, are lessons that go with you and are initiated at the breast.  There are many lessons to baby and mommy.  

The story of Mowgli is the story of a child left to the wolves to rear and to  socialize.  A wild child has never felt the swaddling of being in the arms and looking eye to eye when fed.  The possibility of this child growing into a socialized human, might be slim.  The lesson of wildly training children is the anticipation of a break down in culture.  A dog eat dog world where social mores are passé and biblical mores are a myth.   We start at the breast.  God says can a mother forget her nursing child?

If her breasts are aching and there is crying going on in the next room, will she walk out of the door hardened to the cry of her little one?  She might.  But God is not like that.  He tells us. Try to imagine the depth of care that this is… Far fetched indeed, because we have instructed women to quench the call of their children for their own pursuits and acceptance.  There is no winning in that kind of culture.  Babies are crying mothers are crying and we are wondering why?  Where is the sanity of it?

Spoiled? Perhaps the children are?  Talked to.  Expecting personal considerations and real relationships in this short life. Definitively.

Mowgli or Romulus and Remus

The rearing of little wolves might be a necessity to a developing culture, but it certainly isn’tGods letter of intention for us. We were meant to be human. We were meant to be able to imagine the love of a really devoted mother who could never forget us and thus reason from scripture about her more intimate Eternal counterpart.  We were meant to love God and our mothers and not devour the earth, as wolves might be wont to do.

Thank God for Dr. Bacha

Infant care in this season.  Care for infants should be considerate if you want considerate children , although this is no guarantee still emulation should win the day ordinarily.

Especially if they’ve been sick they need more attention, more food and more sleep…  Sanitizing surfaces is a very important remembrance and helping them process what they are feeling it might be feeling is also important.  Motherhood is being demeaned and diminished, but I don’t think it an accident that people call people who are repugnant sons of you know what’s?  That isn’t an accident,  if you act like a female dog, so will they for certain.  Self controlled and uncomplaining attitudes are prayed for and difficult when mothering.  There is much to make you sullen and cross.  You aren’t the center of attention and much aching of your body can make you negative.  Optimism is key!  Thank God for my dear baby doctor who continually helped me to look to nest week for an end to the stinging breasts.  It was Gods blessing.  He sympathized like no one else did.  Everybody tells you to suck it up, mom included.  He stuck his finger in baby’s mouth and said, that must really hurt.  All I can tell you is next week it won’t hurt as bad.  That was enough for me. I was able to endure for the long haul and become a real advocate for nursing, after awhile. Don’t think that it is going to be easy and automatic. Sometimes it is, but it wasn’t for me. A naturalist Doctor helped me amazingly and I thank God every day that he was in my life!

Thank God for Fred Hammond

I love that God knows my language is music and gave Fred Hammond the pen to write the truth of God’s love directly into my heart!

I am sure that I would be bereft in my knowledge of the truth of God’s love, were it not for someone who has language that is mine to express it to me.  I have studied the Puritans and it nearly killed me.  I couldn’t see God’s love anywhere in their writings.  I saw laws and rules and promises to some and not to others.  I saw God’s holiness and unapproachableness.  I felt completely left out of the promises of God in the study of the Puritans.  I am nearly sure that the angels were shaking their heads in that time of history saying “how did they get that out of looking at the God that we know?”

Fred is certainly a CH Spurgeon to my soul.  I couldn’t see God for all of my study of Him.  I went far and near and I found many wonderful people of God who were blessed to be truer Christians for the study of the Puritans.  I told God, I don’t want to be deceived, please guide me! and I believed that he had my steps ordered, but if it wasn’t for the trumpet of Fred Hammond in the underlying background music of my study of what does the Lord require. I would have missed him completely.

Thank God for Him and the beautiful expressions that helped me to see God in my journey through the darkness of the caverns of grief that God led me through with the lantern of an auditory eye.

I think many children suffer from the darkness that I have suffered and I do hope that there are many other men and women who can speak their languages of faith.

Amen.

Eye Liner!

The Lord Promises to beautify the meek with salvation!

As I attempt to make myself presentable to my public. So as not to look like I was awake all night, I cover the circles of age and the darkness of the circles with a color.  May this be paling in the light of the beauty of the salvation that was purchased for my soul, by the crimson flow of my Savior.  He has made me glad.  He has made me trust Him to beautify my soul as I am trusting this pencil to beautify my eyes. 

Thank you for full and free access to the beauty of my beautiful Savior.  May my soul's eyes see the truth more clearly on this your day and Glorify you with the children of God all over the world and the Saints in Glory!  May I see the truth of the Angels and Saints winning the victory On Earth as it is in Heaven.  For the Glory of God in the Lord Jesus Christ and for the benefit of His Church! Amen

Eye Shadow?

  Hebrews 10:1 

For the law having a shadow of good things to come, and not the very image of the things, can never with those sacrifices which they offered year by year continually make the comers thereunto perfect.

Of what use, Cosmetic

Eye Shadow

Turn my eyes upon your law, Oh God!  It is a shadow of the good things to come and not the image of the things.

We would seek the showers of blessing from attempted obedience to you~

You are faithful and we have fallen again and again from the purposes that you have had for us.  And yet your mercy is there and free for us to receive.  The beauty and purpose of the law being on the outside of the real, may we see in truth the purpose of the real relationship that you sought to draw us into.  We seek to be truly attached to the vine and not deceived by our own impulses or by other peoples schemes.  May we see and give to God the glory of the reality of loving Him and serving Him in truth!  

Christ’s sacrifice has given us the means to truly know and Love God and the world with our might.  Strengthen us for that purpose, Oh God.

For the good of your church and for the good of the world that we live in.  In Jesus’ Strong Name, Amen

His Wings

The Hacker's Revenge!

The problem of crying?

Victory in the cry?

Defeat in the cry?

I was enamored by a youngster who held in every tear of her cry, until the last point in the match, last year.  I identified with her at each point in the match apart from the tears, the winning and the humility.  YOU have so much to be proud of!  Naomi got that from her win last year.  I do hope she has a chance to replay that match with a successful defeat.  

We who know the sport, know that she played phenomenal tennis.  She played the game that we all have been trying to figure out against the giant woman, who has dominated with her great game for a generation.  we love her, also, but we have said what would I have done to try to beat her.

Ruth used to say everyday “Youth is wasted on the young!”   She was saying if I had your game today, this is what I would have done to beat that giant.  It didn’t sound like that to us as youngsters.  It sounded like I did what you do much better than you do.  I hope that is not how I sound.  Nevertheless the hindsight that is 20/20 when applied to racquet in hand prevailed last year and the temper tantrum that Serena played out on the court brought a torrent of tears that are incomparable to the tears that her 15 year old opponent cried this year at the OPEN.  

My life was changed at that match!  I saw the combination of cultures cutting through the dominions that have crushed us for generations.  I could hear Bud Collins dissecting the cultures of that dear child and showing me the Japanese, Haitian, African/American parts of her emotional composure in that amazing match.  It was a monster that brought out the infant temper tantrum in the Queen of the Courts.  I haven’t come to that maturity to have a tantrum when I am afraid of a monstrous ability.  

We have seen many of the DNA combinations working to the best of their ability on the tangles of the game of tennis to come to a victorious end in a fortnight.  It engages us.  It challenges us.  It convicts us. 

Why can’t you overcome your life challenges in a lifetime, like she does in a fortnight?  That is the question that we ask ourselves, at these matches, when we give ourselves the privilege to watch it.

Bud used to give us a good expression of our griefs at not having the opportunity to do what these superhumans do.  He said as a Hacker you can do what you can do to feel the thrill of overcoming.  He used to go under the hood and show us some of the underworkings of the skills that we were observing.  50 years of playing and changing with the game gives you a birds eye view of the mechanics of the sport.  He held our hands through these matches.  He knew how to unnerve the victor to look for the enemy coming over the next hill and he could comfort the victim with a challenge to ie. lose the weight or grow in the game to become the victor that he knew that they could be.  I miss him much.   But I am afraid of this politically correct generation who can’t see the dynamic of culture and advancement that is built into the psyche of every person and show us how to inculcate it into our own games.

{He said, pretend you are a conquistador, like RAFA and go on the court.  See if it doesn’t  take your game up a notch!}  That is not racism!  That is owning up to the reality of the racial realities that we can all take hold of on the courts, if not in other portions of our lives.  Thanks Bud!

is the sky unfolding? How can we know if our eyes are on our devices?

Joshy the last day!

The habit of crying and the habit of not crying?

Why do they get away with it, I wonder.   Tears have hardly been my habit until Grandma passed away.  Hardly ever did something make me want people to see me cry.   If I cry it is by accident.  I Remember the subway on the way to Birthday House, somebody was taking my mothers full attention.  Why?  On the plane to Aunt Dorothy all the way there,  she cried and life had to stop for the criers. My mom made it everybody’s responsibility to help the cryers.  I felt responsible to help the cryer at that moment.  Even when it was my tragedy, it became a problem to be crying unless I was helping those who were crying for me.  No!  Take care of yourself at that moment.  Let others care for you and you learn to care for you until you are strong again.  

Maybe if you cry in infancy, out loud, you learn how to use the tears.  Cryers sometimes talk about crying to emphasize a point to certain people.  I don’t think it’s fair to use tears for effect.  That is just my opinion.  Tears should be an expression and not a manipulation tactic.  I cried about Grandma and getting kicked out for about 10 years.  Trying to grow up to a new life without my one human confidante.  Thirty made me a bit stronger and hubby was shocked that the crying had stopped.  Forty seemed to grow a bit of questioning and discussion about topics.  Walker men have a male dominant bent and I wasn’t averse to that.  But sometimes people ask you to make the decision when they don’t want to face the consequences.  I will take responsibility, but not only on the tough decisions,  I would like some easy good decisions to answer for also.

Private crying is not so bad, I think. Daycare makes normal interactions a public thing.  Some people cry it out, everything.  Some people punch it out and some talk it out.  Daycare doesn’t facilitate long working out of behaviors, good or bad.  Nothing is sharpened to its full potential. 

Josh’s wanted to leave something that he had built, here in his last day and knowing that he wasn’t coming back.  Let me leave one perfectly crafted Lego building for the future to know that I was here.  I guess that is a great, though very hard lesson, “very few people will remember that you were here” .  Even the buildings we make are Lego.  Somebody will take those Legos and make something else that they like.  All you really have are the lessons learned and the loves acquired.

We Shall Overcome!  A troop indeed cometh! And God will overwhelm us with His Amazing Grace to allow us to overcome!

Into the Fog!!! Off to Chowan

My Father Used to say "Onward and Upward!" on occasions such as these.    It is the most foggy day and remind me to tell you the significance of that!

I am launching the baby daughter off to her first gainfully employed position.  We are off again to Chowan.  Arguments about custody of my favorite racquet are the wonder of having a crazy family.

I am exuberant and overpacked and Ev is ringing the bells and even the bees and the cows are crying that Evie is leaving us.

Hopefullly we will also get to visit Mebane.   Pray for me today!  I love this season of motherhood!  I love this season of conflict resolution. 

Lets get together!  Breaking down the generation gap!

Missing my babies at the daycare?

The Misery Loves Company, methods of child-rearing—

How swaddling improves the condition of the minds of infants?

1. gives them a sense of care and safety
2. continues the sense of security
3. improves the remembrance of things that were learned in the womb
4. links present memories to prenatal memories
5. engages the mind and prevents the PTSD that the birth process begins
6. the memories of loving care or simulated loving care helps retain the memories of that time period.

Retention of the information introduced in infancy—

1. Nursery Rhymes and the rapture
2. Cultural connectors
3. Spiritual connectors
4. Beginning the process of ethical reflexes
5. Beginning the process of word decoding
6. context cues and the building of culture

Education non toy playtimes

Slavery’s impact on our child rearing

Recovering from the misdeeds of Dr. Spock

Hormone impulses in Child care and simulated love expressions

The Village of People and the village of Orcs

chapter 3: Pilgrim's Arrest!

The Children came out to greet all of the visitors to their city with a welcome song.

Pilgrim was taken aback at the protections that he was seeing in this city.  The song the children were singing was drowned out by the many questions that were raised by the beauty of this fair and God glorifying city.  Did God Call us to lay down such extravagant dwellings upon this earth? etc., Etc.

Pilgrim was taken into a room with a round table and asked many questions about where he had come from.

Elder 1.  From where have you come?

Pilgrim.  I have been escaping from the city of Destruction.  God is going to destroy the city and I have considered it a calling to leave that city and seek a city whose builder and maker is God.

Elder 2.  Were you the only person convinced of this in your city?

Pilgrim.  I considered not whether there were any others.  I heard the fire alarm in my soul and set out to find a place for my soul to hide.

Elder 3.  Have you other family?

Pilgrim.   I have a wife and four boys, who declined to come with me and thought my assertion an act of madness.  I had to leave them there in the city.

Elder 4.  Is the city still standing?  

Pilgrim.   As far as I know I haven’t seen any flames coming over the horizon since my escape.  Nor have I heard word of any complete destruction, through hearsay.

Elder 5  Have you any word about how your family fares after your abandonment?

Pilgrim.  I had all that I could do to but concern myself with my own soul’s condition.  I had lain that care upon my Lord and trust that He will convince them ere’ long.

Elder 6.   I suggest we arrest this man.  He is clearly in violation of 1 Timothy 5:8 and I say we must hold him accountable, until we should see that he takes on his responsibility.

Cuffs were placed upon Christian and He was taken into the dungeon of deplorability…

The Children came out to greet all of the visitors to their city with a welcome song.

Pilgrim was taken aback at the protections that he was seeing in this city.  The song the children were singing was drowned out by the many questions that were raised by the beauty of this fair and God glorifying city.  Did God Call us to lay down such extravagant dwellings upon this earth? etc., Etc.

Pilgrim was taken into a room with a round table and asked many questions about where he had come from.

When Morning Gilded the Sky...

 When morning gilds the sky, 

our hearts awaking cry: 

May Jesus Christ be praised! 

in all our work and prayer 

we ask his loving care: 

May Jesus Christ be praised! 

“God Exalts His Word Above All His Name” was the hymn that the Christian city sang in unison, committing their safety to the Lord before they opened the gates to the city in the morning.

A guard came out to Christian and lifted him from his rock-pillow to his feet.  Friend or Foe?” He questioned.  I am foe to none, was the swift response of Christian to the inquisition.

Do you know the one, whom to know is life eternal?  I do and I have fled the city of destruction and laid my burdens down and have been on the way of life for years and years, but the songs that I have heard coming out of your city are causing questions to rise in my soul.  Have we a hope of seeking and seeing a city of life on this side of the River Jordan?

Let me bring you into the city and we will share meals and comforts with you.  You have many questions which cannot be answered in a moment.  We must use care that we do not endanger the city of life, by our careless banter out in the open areas.  the enemy of our souls lurks as a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour and our city is a place of solace and peace and protection, especially for our women and little ones.  Come and we will share what we have with you, should you wish to stay you may and should you have more excursions to complete we will comfort you and send you hence.

The City of Re-Construction!

Christian in the City of Re-Construction

Christian in the City of Re-Construction

“Life, Life We are Building for Life”

The song rang over the mountains and Christian followed the harmonious song to find a beautiful green valley where the entire city was sing the Song of Reconstruction.

He ran toward it, because the song was so inviting and delightful, he had to see what city could be so harmonious.

It turned out that his children had begun that song, with the words that they had heard him saying when he ran from them.  

My father sang that song to me and placed a little flame that burns within my heart that God is Good and He will preserve us if we would seek His Will.  Destruction indeed is what we deserve, but God has preserved us still and we would repent and try to do our best to preserve that which He has entrusted to us!

Life, Life, Eternal life, we will seek it.  we will grow it and we’ll not sleep a wink until it is found!

When Christian got to the gates of the city they were bolted shut and a supernatural shield was around the city, so that no one could penetrate unless God himself would lower the gate, in the night time.  It was fueled by the bedtime prayers of the children, who all said the same thing.

Now We lay us down to sleep,

we pray the Lord our souls to keep,
Should we die before we wake,
We Pray, Our soul Thou Lord would take! 

  God is God, was embroidered on the cloth all around the shield.   the women of the city were embroiderers and put their hand to stitch the border of the shield to show their complete trust in the Wonder of the protection of God’s precious shield.

He slept without the city until the morning in awe of the beauty of the sounds and smells and the comfort of the embroidered cloth!

Pro Life!

Obamas admin.  Changed the law about tax status of churches making them change their names to ministries.  The bathroom injunction about transvestites was successful in identifying which states still embrace their Bible Belt identification after the tremendous attack on education.  NC came out as one, so we were on the economic attack list next...they crippled us, by making sports investments contingent on throwing away our principles...

Like Isaac, as we grieved Billy Graham's passing the water wells were stuffed up By the enemies of our convictions...  We couldn't see the enemy and still the haze is with us!

Fight for our convictions or see them demolished as with a wrecking ball...

Pro lifers look simplistic in our focus as they throw anti conviction rhetoric on us.

What issue is worth dividing with our peers about?  Life of the unborn is one of the most important today...

We are angry women blinded by our importunity  and inequality... We need level headed people to guide us through the fog of confusion that has engulfed us.  We need to defend teaching conviction in our schools.  We need to defend women's right to choose the life of her baby!  We need to defend the right to care and live for Jesus.  We ought not attack the bulk of our country, which is convicted to live for Jesus and take for granted the protections that Christianity has blessed us with.  

Jesus is wedded to His church and her defender and guide.  Don't mistake that affection Christ has for His church for weakness.   They have marginalized us and taken advantage of mercy and humility.  

We need Gods protection and assistance to live for him through the reconstruction of our nation from the civil war we've been in.

Is God Mending our every flaw? Like we pray every Fourth of July...

Father Sews on a Button, Life With Father book

I believe that He is intricately involved in our attempt at governing ourselves.  He is uncovering views about ourselves that we have been able to hide for our long existence.  The belief that we are worthy of the mercies that we have received from His hands.  We know it is only by the Grace of God that we are still enjoying the freedoms that we have been given and inherited.
    Perhaps we have inherited a flawed and broken system of governance, but it is still "One Nation Under God!". That is a mercy.
    Can we find the Greatness of the Nation?  Can we learn to work together, the Haves and the Have-Nots?
   It is most certainly the mission of the Church of the Lord Jesus Christ to model the truth of this to our very broken nation and attempt at democracy.  God is showing us that humility and the fear of the Lord is needed and that His antipathy to PRIDE is the greatest enemy to our unity.  Our healing is to come from bringing ourselves down to the project.  If God resists the PROUD, we must also resist our own pride!

Jesus lives and so shall I (A Hymn)

Jesus lives, and so shall I, 
Death! thy sting is gone forever. 
He who deigned for me to die,
 Lives, the bands of death to sever. 
He shall raise me with the just:
 Jesus is my hope and trust.



Jesus lives and reigns supreme; 
And, His kingdom still remaining,
 I shall also be with Him,
Ever living, ever reigning.
God has promised: be it must;
Jesus is my hope and trust.





Jesus lives, I know full well, 
Naught from Him my heart can sever, 
Life nor death nor pow'rs of hell, oy nor grief, henceforth forever. 
None of all His saints is lost; 
Jesus is my hope and trust.



Jesus lives, and death is now
 But my entrance into glory.
 Courage, then, my soul,
for thou Hast a crown of life before thee; 
Thou shalt find thy hopes were just;
 Jesus is the Christian's trust.

How does God search us? The Spirit of Man is a candle?

Proverbs 20:27 The spirit of man is the candle of the LORD, searching all the inward parts of the belly.

The Liberty of self governing is a gift. It belongs to the one who carries his bible into his belly. Is that what I am supposed to do, Lord? I ask. Is this true or false?

The answer isn't in my belly, the answer is in God's Word. When I compare I am using God's candle to get to where I am supposed to go. I don't want to continue just looking at my belly. I want the looking at my belly to change my behavior and get ahead and out of my dilemma. Prayer and searching the scripture and repentance and faith. Nothing is magic. Dominion or subjugation?

Ezzy's play Addams Family

Thinking about Barbara Stanwyck...

That Barbara, the day that we had such a hard time lighting that match after watching Barbara’s movie with Fred Macmurray. I was in awe of her candid and feminine powerful way. Only my Grandma was like . that. I felt that she had introduced me to the maternal area of the sky… We all went outside to watch the angel fireworks over in that cuadrant of the sky. I called it a maternal huddle. This was many years ago now and I had nearly forgotten it, except for the reality of knowing that she and my Grandma, seem to be Heaven buddies in the closest part of heaven that there is to earth, because of their often interactions with us.

I tried to light a match this week, Of course it is my crazy season, where heaven comes down to comfort me in my pain of 30 years of missing my firstborn son. It took about 10 tries to get this match lit. Every day this week was fraught with a sense of God’s unusual presence in the outside of our center. The light of the sun seems to have a different glisten and I must admit that this hasn’t happened to me, anywhere but home. Wednesday or Thursday my mind was wandering as I patted Adam’s back near the window and when I looked at the trees outside they seemed to have a silver painted adornment on alot of the top branches. I wished that i could have been alone in the building to really enjoy the view in a relaxed way.

It seemed like a Barbara Stanwyck reminder to me. the maternal part of the sky had come down and we seemed in another part of reality. Not at all without pain or conflict or anger or the other feelings that are my portion in this season of thirty year grief walk, but comfort and direction, just the same.

Looking into the face of God, with the children’s guardian angels, with a heart full of repentance for the uncompleted tasks in rearing my own children and a heart full of hope for the next generations that we can give them a leg up on trusting Christ from their earliest moments. Confidence that “if God is for you…” is a gift that no other gift can match. I wish I could afford the purple tea set to send to Addie-Grace to mark my newfound sense of direction and affection for God and His mercies!

You know where I go?

I will whip the.....

is that what I mean?

A servant is not above his lord?

our children will become, what their teachers are. Are we giving them examples of charity and excellence? Humility and Grace?

If a person’s own children are bitter against them, has this an impact on how they treat other’s children? Do we want children who are bitter or enbittered against their parents or the learning process? How do we engage children in their learning? How do we motivate them? Is yelling and growling at them motivating?? I think not!

We are provoking our children from the earliest moments to hate learning and then we wonder why they are antagonistic to mental acumen, at best.

Justice and Mercy are early lessons. Firmness is in order, but cruelty or belittling is not. Our habits of antagonism and gaining the children’s attention, must be tailored to the individual children somehow. As a culture, we holler. As a culture we shame. Is this helping us?

Where are you today? Elyse...

Making it til tomorrow. You are in NY, participating in the molding of the future, by being a major part of one little boy's present. "Stand right here for the present" PIPI Longstocking...The present is a present, haven't we found that to be the case?

Could we have participated in the dialogue of life with many young people, who are movers and shakers? We might. But when you devote your life to the little ones, who can't pay you back. God sees, if no one else does. You have accepted the vision and the calling. Many people are in the ethereals, learning to care, they think. But, can you care more than really doing the work? Doing the work has its own rewards. Making the time for a conversation and a correction and a relationship with a young cousin is a blessing and a work that has great rewards of spiritual dimensions.

Not easy, but Jesus makes it worth it. Enjoy!

Resigning or Designing Women? Let things happen or make things happen--regarding our children...

Proverbs 14:1 Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.

Proverbs 14:2 He that walketh in his uprightness feareth the LORD: but he that is perverse in his ways despiseth him.

Proverbs 14:3 In the mouth of the foolish is a rod of pride: but the lips of the wise shall preserve them.

Proverbs 14:4 Where no oxen are, the crib is clean: but much increase is by the strength of the ox.

Proverbs 14:5 A faithful witness will not lie: but a false witness will utter lies.

Proverbs 14:6 A scorner seeketh wisdom, and findeth it not: but knowledge is easy unto him that understandeth.

Proverbs 14:7Go from the presence of a foolish man, when thou perceivest not in him the lips of knowledge.

Proverbs 14:8 The wisdom of the prudent is to understand his way: but the folly of fools is deceit.

Proverbs 14:9 Fools make a mock at sin: but among the righteous there is favour.

Proverbs 14:10 The heart knoweth his own bitterness; and a stranger doth not intermeddle with his joy.

Proverbs 14:11 The house of the wicked shall be overthrown: but the tabernacle of the upright shall flourish.

Proverbs 14:12 There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.

Proverbs 14:13 Even in laughter the heart is sorrowful; and the end of that mirth is heaviness.

Proverbs 14:14 The backslider in heart shall be filled with his own ways: and a good man shall be satisfied from himself.

Proverbs 14:15 The simple believeth every word: but the prudent man looketh well to his going.

Proverbs 14:16 A wise man feareth, and departeth from evil: but the fool rageth, and is confident.

Proverbs 14:17 He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly: and a man of wicked devices is hated.

Proverbs 14:18 The simple inherit folly: but the prudent are crowned with knowledge.

Proverbs 14:19 The evil bow before the good; and the wicked at the gates of the righteous.

Proverbs 14:20 The poor is hated even of his own neighbour: but the rich hath many friends.

Proverbs 14:21 He that despiseth his neighbour sinneth: but he that hath mercy on the poor, happy is he.

Proverbs 14:22 Do they not err that devise evil? but mercy and truth shall be to them that devise good.

Proverbs 14:23 In all labour there is profit: but the talk of the lips tendeth only to penury.

Proverbs 14:24 The crown of the wise is their riches: but the foolishness of fools is folly.

Proverbs 14:25 A true witness delivereth souls: but a deceitful witness speaketh lies.

Proverbs 14:26 In the fear of the LORD is strong confidence: and his children shall have a place of refuge.

Proverbs 14:27 The fear of the LORD is a fountain of life, to depart from the snares of death.

Proverbs 14:28 In the multitude of people is the king's honour: but in the want of people is the destruction of the prince.

Proverbs 14:29 He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly.

Proverbs 14:30 A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness of the bones.

Proverbs 14:31 He that oppresseth the poor reproacheth his Maker: but he that honoureth him hath mercy on the poor.

Proverbs 14:32 The wicked is driven away in his wickedness: but the righteous hath hope in his death.

Proverbs 14:33 Wisdom resteth in the heart of him that hath understanding: but that which is in the midst of fools is made known.

Proverbs 14:34 Righteousness exalteth a nation: but sin is a reproach to any people.

Proverbs 14:35The king's favour is toward a wise servant: but his wrath is against him that causeth shame.

today, I blended celery, apple, with orange juice and made bread...

I felt enlivened by the combination of celery and apple. I don't feel like I got much done, around the house, {ie. my rugs need vacuuming and the Christmas decor is starting to get to me, and everything} My energy was better, but I am not sure if it was the veggie fruit juice or the vitamin or the cinnamon rolls, I made with the veggie/fruit juice, or the sense of accomplishment from making something completely unique. It was delicious! It was a delicious treat. I told myself that I would save some for making a gelatin version of my juice, but I couldn't save any for the jello. Maybe next time. I had a wonderful time reminiscing about the last two weeks of funerals, with my DC woman. I missed talking with my NY woman who I hear got a new haircut! I absolutely love it! What I love most, is that you needn't ask a single soul what to do with your hair. You are as free as a bird with your hair. Enjoy it, my love!

Yesterday, there was a huge moon out my back window...

Emma, used to cue me to beautiful sights such as these. She would nudge me or prod me to the window for a sight worth my immediate attention. Now, it is less providential and I must remind myself to look outside, when I go to the window or am about my inside the house activities. This morning it is very clear and the stars a twinkling beautifully and brightly outside my kitchen sliding door.

What a wondrous sight, to be allowed to enter into the natural beauty of the landscape around us. Thank God for eyes and topography that is convenient to see the beauty. It took a year for me to appreciate the unblocked horizons of the burbs of Charlotte. Buildings and Billboards were my usual attention. I guess, what you do with billboards, after a while is try to ignore them, or analyze what are they trying to get you to do. What are they imploring me into now? Like a pestering hound, they are there. So for months and months I kept designing where the billboards should be here and where the buildings should be to block the blinding sky.

I see that the habit of New York is to ignore the promptings of external forces, buildings and billboards and store lights, until an appointed day. We deliberately reign in our passions for shopping day. Then with abandon, we shop til we drop. We take the billboards that have prompted us for weeks and go out and do exactly what they told us to do. I was unaware of this external force that had affected me to aggression and to passivity, because of my own poverty not allowing me to shop to abandon, like others. So I was resigned to simply reign myself in and was never seeing outside of my limitations. You are not a person, if you can't shop and accumulate as others do.

North Carolina freed me from this bondage. What does the billboard of the moon provoke me to do? Praise God! Am I poor in this currency? All have the same currency of facility to praise the Lord. I am not too poor to do so.

My dear Pastor Loran reminded me, as I have been recently analyzing the motivations to praise God and limiting my speech. Why? Habit of a real New Yorker and over scrutiny of self. Spend it! Say it! Give Him the praise. Will we not be judged by our facility and our ability and whether we have spent ourselves in praise as much as we have spent ourselves in money?

God's goodness is prepared for those that love Him!

Eye hast not seen ,even in 2019, the things that God has prepared for them that love him.